Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Fuck it...

this is my blog, so I'll write what I want.

Here's the thing, kids, I think that too often in this world passion is dropped for safety!
There! I said it.


Who wants to be in a relationship where you're safe? Ok, well, within reason, obviously! Who wants one were it's just good enough that someone loves you?


Ok somehow this is sounding all wrong. Here's what I mean:

So the boyo and I were watching Shopgirl today (you know, the Steve Martin movie with Claire Danes and Jason Shcwartzman?) and she starts looking for a guy... just a guy that might think she's pretty, that might treat her well... that might hold her. I get that. I do. At my most touch deprived, I look for hugs from people... just people... anyone will do, well ok... not bad huggers, but almost anyone will suffice.

I know it's a movie, and I know it's about that girl looking for A GUY. I think my problem is that too often there's someone looking for A PERSON. Not that person. Just A person. I had a semi-discussion with some friends about this the other day. Just because someone's nice to you does NOT deem them good enough to stay with. What about the other things? What about the fact that I want to be a better person for, and becuase of, this person and not just BE.

One of the things my parents asked me when I was leaving the ex was "Why do you want to leave him? He's good to you. He doesn't hurt you."

You know what hurt me? That he never wanted to be more with me, nor for me, nor for himself. He also didn't want to know more about me. He didn't want to hear about the crazy parts, he didn't think one should share everything.

That to me, guys, was pretty crushing. What do you mean you don't want to see more?! I want to see everything of you. I want the dreams, the bad things, I want to KNOW you. I want to grow with that. I want to love you for it because it all... the whole lot of it... is what YOU are comprised of!

That's passion, for me at least. You have to be able to be passionate about me and about life. You especially have to be passionate about YOU.

I'm not looking for drama, but I am looking for passion. You have to love yourself that much, and you sure as hell have to love me that much.

Most importantly... most especially... you have to care that much about yourself that you would leave me to save yourself is that was what was needed. You have to love you more than you love me. God knows I do! That's when it's equal... that's when you can choose what's best for you, even if it turns out that all that is best for you, is you.


Bee (the one who muses) said...

I completely agree with you. I never felt the need to marry any of my previous boyfriends and they were all *safe*. My hubs drives me completely up the wall sometimes and I him but that is what love and passion is all about.

Great post!

Ceci Virtue said...

@Bee Thanks! I had had some wine and had just seen the movie and ... well I get real riled up at movies! The boyo always has to remind me that it's a movie.
I yell at the screen... I cry easily... I get giddy easily.

It's good to hear that I'm not the only nut that thinks this line of thinking is fine!

Marginalia said...

Just to play devils advocate, I had to post this. I am smiling just thinking about it;)

Marginalia said...

But yeah, Shopgirl is a terrible movie, and not a very compelling book either.

Ceci Virtue said...

@Chloe That was an awesome article! I think she's right AND wrong. I think it depends on what makes one happy in life. Part of it is, are you ELizabeth Bennet or are you a Charlotte Lucas. ALSO... she asks to imagine Big with a baby bjorn on... and no I can never imagine that...but I also can't imagine Carrie with a kid. I think he suits her fine as they are not the kid having kind. Settling I think is for those who just want the family; or perhaps I should say better suits those so thusly inclined.

I just know about myself that I would rather tell the stories of some passionate loves I had than to be settled. Then again, I'm not Charlotte Lucas!

My favorite line is this one:
"And all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re not worried, because you’ll see how silly your face looks when you’re being disingenuous

~:{ ... }:~ said...


Ceci Virtue said...

@ ~:{ ... }:~ You're welcome!

Anonymous said...

Well, I disagree with Chloe - I LOVE that book and movie. And I agree with your post.

Ceci Virtue said...

I never read the book and I actually kinda liked the movie... Although, in the beginning it's hard to tell WHO you're supposed to like... but I liked it over all and Jeremy (Jason Schwartzman) really grew on me.