Tuesday, June 18, 2013



I like to watch House. I like to watch House a lot.
It's one of my favorite things to do when I'm alone on Saturday, before I start doing the 101 things that I've told myself that I have to accomplish. It's the one little thing that I allow myself to do that brings me pleasure on days by myself. Sometimes I gorge on it, though, then I end up feeling upset at myself because I was lazy or whatever, and I didn't do what I wanted to/ thought I should do.
What I like about watching House isn't that it allows me to just do what I want to do (i.e. veg out in front of the TV), but I also like the way the story is told. There's the story of the episode… and then there's the underlying story of House... and how the lessons are learned from that particular story of that episode, affecting the major story of House. You know, the lives of those in the show, how they're getting on, and the choices that they make day to day. 
Huh... oddly, I've been focusing so long on just the story of my life... that I forgot about how the framework goes. I'm not sure how to put that… but follow me on this one.
Recently I started working on a comic with Stephen. By recently and working on, I mean we've been talking about it and batting around ideas/ stories/ drawings. We found an overall...framework, I guess... to help us tell a larger story, which will allow for the smaller telling of stories in the meantime. The large story is comprised of smaller stories that have led the characters to where they are now.
For so long I've been saying that what I like to write are the small stories that change our lives, and I haven't really done so. I forgot that those changes happen... or can happen in such minutia, that I got stuck trying to tell about the bigger moment. Those happen fewer... and farther between. Yes, they happen in a second; one moment you're married and then 15 minutes later, you’re on your way to being separated… with divorce in the not-so-far distance. 
Hey, it costs a lot of money, yo!
Are you happier for it? Is it earth shattering? Is there a way to stop it… and should you? These are all things that make for a good story. I like that about life... it's also what I like about writing. Following these experiences and shaping the framework... and maybe learning something through it. 
Maybe that's the problem I've been having with my life. I forgot that lessons are little? I've been trying to get to the ending from where the character/ story started without the middle part... and the middle part is SO important. That's the good stuff. It's not all about the ending. Generally I get an idea and I think, “Ok, now I have to figure out how to get her from having a dream to her attaining it and becoming a famous movie star." Maybe she just finds that right place for her... OR maybe we just see the struggle. 
Things are messy... stories are messy. You gotta let it end where it ends.
Maybe there are no wrong answers, exactly... maybe if we don't get to where we think we should be, or don't attain the goal we wanted, that's ok. Maybe where we end up is ok. Well, unless we end up homeless and a junkie or... just dead...or a junkie and dead. Yes, there are wrong choices, but you still have a choice to stay that way, or to change it.
All this time I’ve been trying to force an ending, my happily ever after, while maybe I just have to see where all this takes me while trying to reach a goal, and be ok if that goal changes.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

You know, I have been trying to do something with this blog since 2007. Before I got this one, I had a livejournal (and technically I still "have" it, I'm just not really... using it), and before that, I played around with making one myself. You know, back before it became a big deal.

None of those have really worked. Well, I suppose for me, in a sense they have... but they never really went the way that I wanted them to and I wasn't able to clearly manifest what I saw in my head. In the end I kept blogging because I like one of the side effects, that of being able to keep in touch with my friends far and wide. 

I dunno.
I like having a blog when I do something with it. Mostly, it satisfies my need to write and get something out; my methadone for the lack of actual publication.

Mainly, I have a hard time giving up on it because it's been one of many things I've tried... and I think if I just keep plugging away enough, one day I'll get it. One day, I'll know what it is that works for me.

So, hi again.