Friday, March 27, 2015
Monday, July 14, 2014
I'm inspired almost every day by things that friends are doing. It seems I know a lot of people that are starting to do more of their creative thing or push for the next level of what they're doing creatively. They're putting themselves and their art out there, and that's very impressive because it takes courage, belief, and determination.
However, it also takes money. I try to support them as much as I can when and where possible because I believe in them. I know belief helps, but I know that sometimes money (when possible) helps more.
So my friend, Gren has a chance to be in this really neat Kickstarter project for an anthology of comic book stories inspired by Nine Inch Nails songs. I'm of fan of comic books and I'm a fan of Nine Inch Nails, so I'm completely on board. In order for Gren's story to get into the anthology, however, the project - which is currently funded to print the first few stories - needs to hit the $35,000 milestone before the group of stories that his is part of can be added.
I'd like to ask that you, dear reader, please help by contributing whatever possible and by spreading the word and link to the Kickstarter for this project (found here).
So... pretty please, with sugar on top.
The video for the Kickstarter project.
Gren's plea and video on the benchmarks to be reached.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wordboner.com ©2011
It's been a year since I slept alone, when I could sleep, with the glow from Eddie the Shipboard's Computer's screen softly lighting the room.
It's been a year since I've stopped feeling nauseous, stopped twitching and stopped feeling like there was a hole in the middle of me.
It's been a year since I've left the people I loved and held dear in order to start again somewhere else where I now have new people I love and hold dear.
...
Mainly, it's been a year since I set out to do what a lot of people didn't understand, what I felt was best for me and what some people didn't think would work. I took a chance and I think it's paid off rather well. I'm a happier, smarter and better me. People don't always understand the chances taken, the things I do, nor the moves I make. It's sad to lose people, but I have to remain true to me, so I take my chances. If I do it well enough, a good chunk of those people aren't lost, just not so near in proximity.
Today I choose to remember those I've met in my life, near and far, who remain by me or have left. There are bittersweet memories, but there are also some very triumphant ones.
To everyone that's been there for me and with me, I thank you. My life is better because of you, if only through a lesson, an inspiration, or the drive to prove that I'm right for me whether you understand it or not.
To taking chances in life - may all of you feel it's the most important thing you ever do!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
So!
Remember how I said that my parents took it well???
Yeah... apparently my mom changed her mind. I got a very long talking to from my mother last week that included such statements as:
"You never should have let us spend the money on your wedding if you were going to leave in a couple of years."
"I feel ashamed that you let Da5id's parents spend that much money in thinking you would stay with him."
"Marriage is something you try hard on. If you get in a fight all the time with him, so what? Your dad and I get in fights all the time and we're still married."
Yeah...
Part of me wishes that I had disappeared, had changed my number and never contacted them again! Ah, if only! I, however, have that catholic guilt/ need to love my family. As far as I can tell, and as my therapist had said, they're not always the best thing for me, whether they're family or not.
SO here I am in Lexington, hoping to god that my mom doesn't stick with her threat of coming here to "talk" to me. Seriously, am I 16 years old and are my parents are planning on coming to take me "home?" My parents say that at times like these I need my family around since they are the ones that understand me. REALLY?! Really?? Is that why they never got it when I was actually trying to communicate when I was a teenager???
*clears throat*
Yeah, 34 years old and my parents are still treating me like a teenager.
Moving on!
Life's a mess, but still good. Well, things with Stephen and me are good. Life's... trying; a mess.
Quick rundown:
- I didn't pass the test to get licensed by the state for insurance which means that I can't work at the insurance company managing accounts.
- I'm TOTALLY broke. Completely used up all my resources, as I was SUPPOSED TO BE working by now. Seriously, I don't know WHY I didn't keep looking for jobs in those 3 weeks that I was studying for the exam. You know... that thing about putting all your eggs in one basket and what not.
- Stephen is having legal issues because of that cunt of an ex-wife (and my ex-friend). A lawyer was needed so now we're BOTH tapped out in trying to pay the retainer. Phun!
- My health insurance is usable here BUT I need to pay up front and then my insurance reimburses me. Do they think that I have the time or money to wait 3-4 weeks for them to reimburse me??? Fuckers.
Ok ok... all negative so here's the positive...
...
Oh!
- meeting new friends (Stephen's friends and old acquaintances, really)
- Lots of Stephen time :D
- Hanging out at the shops. I really like most of the people who work at both shops.
- I now have 2 cats. Well, Stephen's of course, but now that I live there, well I help take care of them and I talk to them.
- I like my room and my desk in my room where I play on this here computer, Eddie.
- Drinks are cheap
- When we go to Mia's (a bar), if Mary Beth (the owner) is there, she likes to feed me vodka as she's a vodka lover and an old friend of Stephen's.
- Stephen. PATEOTS.
That's what I got so far. Life is good but trying. Everyone PLEASE try to send good vibes that I get a job and/ or unemployment through Oregon REALLY soon!!
Stephen and Evie Bean
That butterball of a cat named Iggy. I think he's trying to be a rug or something.
Evie Bean and a PBR.
Drunk, smoking and taking pictures. You know, like every Saturday night.
At our friend Mackenzie's work party.Monday, May 17, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Remember this one?
Monday, March 1, 2010
Well! It seems that my issues are going away. *knock on wood* Let's hope that that wasn't a one time fluke! Haven't slept that soundly in a while! Well, aside from the having to get up and pee in the middle of the night, as per usual.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Just some of the people I love...
Saturday, January 9, 2010
"Too bad she won't live, but then again who does?" ... I DO!
2 comments Posted by Ceci Virtue at 10:10 AM
These are strange times. So much went ass over teakettle. We're just hunkering down for the weekend to lick wounds and get ready for Monday's picking ourselves up.
I must say I am thankful for my life and the friends I have. They've been nothing but supportive and currently we at Casa Stella have each other. As Cedric said last night, there's a lot of love in this house. I feel extremely lucky for that.
For those that don't know - Cedric was laid off, M didn't pass her test for her massage therapy license by only 3%, Da5id was demoted with pay cut and I have an ear infection, bronchitis and asthma due to it.
Yesterday's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day made me think about the positives in our lives. I'm happy about the life I have, no matter how odd and questionable by other people. I honestly would never want to be anyone else. I think I have a pretty awesome life with awesome friends who, for the most part, get and support me. The others... well I'm not sure what they like but apparently there is something.
Yes, I'm strange according to some (seriously there are decisions I've made that boggle the mind) and I love my strange life.
I drink too much, I sometimes smoke too much and I have loose morals. THANK GOD!
I don't marry like other girls!
I am a child!
I'm utterly and completely happy how I am.
... and I was born to make life and the world a better and miraculous place for all those I touch.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
More from A Softer World
Sometimes I feel like I lead a dual life. Maybe it's what we all do and then again maybe the lesson is to be who you are no matter what.
My life takes odd twists and turns but always I fight to be me. I fight to be the best, most me that there is. I've fought everyone that's ever told me what they thought was wrong or how I should do things. Most especially, though, I've fought my parents.
I fought my parents to be me in high school. I've always known who Ceci is for as long as I can remember. In college I still fought to be Ceci and to be treated as an adult despite the threats of not paying for school anymore (to which I told them that that was fine by me). When I wanted to get married I fought for that because I thought I was right. It turned out to be a mistake, but it was a lesson to be learned. When I wanted a divorce (because it was a mistake) I fought for that despite my parents' beliefs, advice and admonishments. The list goes on.
Still... there are places I won't go with them... mainly because, well they disagree anyway so why keep going?
However, the family... also doesn't really know me. Maybe they guess... maybe it's ok for them to not know everything. It's odd that the people I grew up with and was so close to, became distant. I'm not sure that they would understand me and I don't think I can let them in totally. In a lot of ways, I deviate from a lot that we grew up with. In late high school/ early university my brother once asked me why I can't just do what the parents want and not argue. My sister and I used to be very close... and now, well now I feel like I don't even know who she is. My cousins... well, we all just went our own way to our own lives.
My friends, on the other hand, know everything.
How is it that I can be so much myself and yet... not? The things I like, the things I do, the way I live my life... not a lot is known there when it comes to family. It makes me feel like I'm living a lie of sorts or maybe a half-truth.
Can one ever be truly open about who one is with everyone?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
It was a rainy Sunday today and we all decided we'd laze about, work on homework, and prep for Halloween. We dyed our hair, M worked on our makeup and made various food (Cedric mainly who was responsible for our AWESOME breakfast and dinner.
M wouldn't participate but I made the boyo take pics.
Oh and I was fooling around with Cedric's hat... which I love.
Enjoy!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Hi kids.
Today I was reminded of why I love Cedric. A lot of it has to do with how he's sometimes so much like me. We watched Cashback at movie night tonight. Cedric's choice. Near the end he pointed out one of the scenes that was one of his favorites and I was stunned. I was stunned for several reasons; one being that I would have so chosen that scene as one of my favorites and the other being that he unabashedly said so.
What you have to know about movie night is that we all sit there and sort of MST3K the movie. It's tough to show a movie you like because you have to be able to put up with all the comments. That doesn't mean that people don't like it. We just like to make comments over it. I've also thought that it takes a lot to show people that this is what you love and this is what you think because it's open to ridicule. In that, though, movie night is us putting it out there and saying to each other over all of the funny comments that, yes, I love this film and yes, you can ridicule it all you want and you might like it too. It's ok to do it, we're all friends and we all put it out there.
I highly recommend you watch Cashback.
...
Today was the first day that I've felt better than I have in a LONG time. In fact, I've had one of the best weekends. Well, that's tough to say as the past 3 to 4 weekends have been pretty great, but this one sort of was a culmination of everything. I'm not sure if it's just that the meds are finally doing exactly what they're supposed to do, but something's working.
I can't even say what exactly it was that did it... I just know that I feel like I love things again instead of just going through my routine.
I had a great weekend, as I've said. On Thursday night I went to my first rodeo in St. Paul, Oregon with Lillie and Soggy. You know what? I had a good time! Her family reminded me A LOT of my mom's side of the family. They were very welcoming and they made us feel like family. We were only supposed to stay 'til Friday but we stayed until noon on Saturday. It was really truly a good time and it was hard to leave Lillie's family and friends.
We also met Quigley the dog who could not only fit herself into a bucket of water (it was sofa king hot this weekend) but could also jump onto a horse and stand there. One of the best dog's ever!
Saturday was Jason's Boomfest. You may have seen pictures from last year's 4th celebration at Jason's and this year was VERY similar. Again there was the big fireworks display, toys being blown up and roman candle duels. It works exactly like it sounds. Each person has a roman candle and they start back to back. Each person takes 10 paces then turns around and lights their roman candle and fires at the other person.
Yeah, I know. It's crazy.
PDXPhotogeek took the BEST pictures of it. Go here to see the lot of them.
Here are some highlights:
One of the toys that was blown up.
William in a duel.
Sean in the duel with William
Scars from Sean's duel with the boyo.
Cedric and M (one of my favorite pictures)
The duel between Wendy Lady and the boyo.
Wendy Lady.
We love our Wendy Lady.
Is it any wonder I love my boyo??? I'm a lucky, lucky girl. He is certainly one of a kind and strong enough to handle even that which he didn't sign up for.My mom's right, he deserves a sainthood. Someone call the pope or something.
Only this moment
Holds us together
Close to perfection
Nothing else out there
No one to guide us
Lost in our senses
Deep down inside I know our love will die
Only this moment
Holds us together
Lost in confusion
Feelings are out there
Scared of devotion
Doubting intentions
Deep down inside I know our love will die
Stay or forever go
Play or you'll never know
What heaven decided
You can't deny it's
All you've been waiting for
Stay or forever go
Play or you'll never know
Your spirit's divided
You will decide if I'm
All you've been waiting for
Clouds in my head have been parted with grace
By the voices of an angel revealing her face
and her words they make sense 'n' I do understand
Falling in love isn't part of a plan
Forces within me mix reason with lust, but
I'll try to accept it and not make it worse
'cause I know I might loose it by taking the chance,
(But) love without pain isn't really romance
Only this moment
Holds us together
Close to perfection
Nothing else out there
Always beside her
Trusting my senses
Deep down inside I know love will survive
Only this moment
Holds us together
Close to the other
Nothing else out there
Always beside her
Trusting my senses
Deep down inside I know love will survive
Only This Moment
Röyksopp
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I'm shedding my old skin. I don't know what made me say this but it's been rolling around in my head for a while now, and it feels true.
First of all, they say that getting sick is your body's way of telling you to STOP! Unfortunately, I did not heed the warnings. I'm a lot better now, but still not at 100%, so I'm trying to take it as easy as possible so that I can enjoy my weekend with Amanda.
AH! It starts. The traveling. The friends from everywhere.
I've always wanted a big family, but not in the sense of relatives. Well, I wasn't going to limit it to that, shall I say. I like the idea of people that I connect with that I get to see from time to time. I like that my friends, my family are without boundaries. No matter where in the world they are, I'm still connected to them. I like that we can gather at odd times in different cities and countries and connect... reconnect... strengthen our connection.
This is family. This is what makes my heart swell when I think of my friends.
Last night I got a phone call from my dear friend, Stephen, and we were on forever, even when I knew that I should be in bed. We talked about everything... he made me cry, he made me wonder, he made me defensive. I love it! Stephen is in Kentucky. We adore each other and each others' spouses and friends. I love this connection.
It's odd, after all this talk about being childfree and all the nonsensical stereotypes that go with it, I start to reconnect with my family. I'll have visitors in March (through Stephen, the Kentucky contingency) and in April from the old Long Beach neighborhood. I'll be in Connecticut this weekend for Amanda and in Europe in March/ April to see Maile, David, Liad, Rain, Ami (I hope), Tim, Anthony, Nassrin and anyone else that I might meet. It's time to appreciate what I do have and what I have created, even if it's not the traditional sense of family.
I leave you with some pics of Stephen and me from my wedding last year. *sigh* I heart that boy, he always reminds me of who I am.
First morning in PDX. The Governor Hotel. I'm pretty sure we'd been drinking lots already.
The rehearsal dinner. Can you feel the love? I'd also like to mention that people came from all over. That was pretty awesome too. My parents thought no one would go.
Stephen was my handler before the wedding. I was a wreck and had been drinking for 3 days. I was nervous about all those people watching! It shows! The makeup artist had to earn her keep.