Monday, February 15, 2010
...
Well, that is with one exception.
Love is HARD! It's not only hard to find, hard to get and hard to keep, it's also hard to GROW! Did'ja know tha?
A lot of the learning process of these varying steps not only IS difficult but it looks a MESS! Ask any of your friends if they think you and so-and-so are doing well at such times and they're more than likely to look away... or WORSE! Walk away!
I've done this. I've seen friends go through hard times... really hard times... and think, "Oh man! That's not good at ALL!" There were times that I even felt like I should do something. Then I remember the one thing I learned from Bridget Jones' Diary (well, the one non-silly thing) - one does not always see the nuances of a couple's day-to-day life. The couple might be going through some issues that they're working on resolving and, especially in the case of Da5id and me, passionately fight for it and fling words/ do things to try and hurt the other. This doesn't mean that despite all this, it doesn't work. Sometimes it is because of all that that it DOES work.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
This is my wedding ring.
I love it.
Every time I look at it I smile. It's thin and seemingly barely there; it's like it melded into my skin. The design is intricate and the band is delicate. It's quite strong, though. 18k white gold that has withstood the kind of beating that any ring of mine would get (which is a lot, trust me!).
I think it's an excellent representation of my relationship with the boyo. I think it's why I knew that that was the ring I wanted for my wedding band as soon as I saw it.
I can't remember life before him and I don't want to imagine a life without him.
Happy anniversary, boyo!
I love you truly deeply madly.
"Life is so much dark and light
Day cannot exist without a night
And you will not separate from me
I have a heart that's full of life
I know where the form is changing
I know that the stars will follow me..."
~Bar for Lashes~
Two Planets
Sunday, October 25, 2009
It was a rainy Sunday today and we all decided we'd laze about, work on homework, and prep for Halloween. We dyed our hair, M worked on our makeup and made various food (Cedric mainly who was responsible for our AWESOME breakfast and dinner.
M wouldn't participate but I made the boyo take pics.
Oh and I was fooling around with Cedric's hat... which I love.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
DUCK!
...
then pick them up and use the ones that didn't splatter for your vodka.
It's funny, the ups and downs of life and how one copes with it all. There are times when I let the lemons get to me bruises and all. I have to remind myself that last week or maybe yesterday or even the last hour brought good things. It can be difficult or it can be easy... it's mostly up to me.
Let me tell you, sometimes... and especially when you can't seem to catch a break in the more life affecting things... sometimes it's really hard!
Today's Life Lemons came from the colleges and universities that Da5id has applied to/ is applying to for nursing school. They changed their requirements. What does this mean??? Unless Da5id takes 3 more classes and gets As in all (while working his job), there's no h-way he's getting into nursing school.
What does that mean??? He has to go the long way around, which involves getting into a similar program for his bachelor's degree then taking 2 more years for nursing.
Really????
Ugh.
To counteract that I'm going to give you the good things in life, 'cause I have to remember them:
- ALLLLLL my friends new and old
- moving in with Cedric and M
- my ever growing and increasing love life... that boyo and I are just doing wonderfully
- a Bar on each floor!
- my new iPhone (thank you work!)
- a new battery for Eddie the Shipboard Computer
- David's introduction of The xx to me and mine
- Getting Hobbies...
- Being able to play World of Warcraft AND have a social life! HA! Take that boyo!
- Duckett's
- BBQ-offs
- dreaming positively of future plans
*grabs a slice of lemon and squeezes it into her vodka *
Monday, August 3, 2009
*Friday was Da5id's birthday party, but that is another story and shall be told another time.
SO! First of all Saturday was hangover day... like you do. We sat around for the good part of the day watching Battlestar Galactica . Da5id went through his gifts and tried on various things. He loved them all!
So I was sitting on the floor, like I do, when I went to get up to get some water and I tripped over my own feet as I got myself up from a crossed-leg position. I went down hard and landed in a sort of push up pose with my left big toe hitting the floor first, full weight on it. Ow! It started swelling but wasn't bruised and I hoped it was only a contusion but it REALLY hurt to move it or even move my foot a little. I'm still not sure if it's broken as I can currently wiggle it around a little but it hurts to put too much weight on it. Later that night when I got home I took off my shoe and there was indeed a bruise and it was swelling so I iced it and propped it up.
Kat and I went out for dinner at the Rose and Thistle and just sat around and talked until almost 1 am! This happens to us a lot... we just lose track of time. Da5id was off with Dana at the Horsebrass. I find it funny that we both ended up at pubs. Da5id and I decided we need to spend more time individually with friends. It seemed that we were always seeing our friends as a couple and in groups but rarely one on one. I think we all need that time with our friends to stay connected.
... Do you hear that kids! IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FRIENDS NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU THINK YOU ARE! Sheesh. I feel like I try to stay connected with everyone by at least updating my blog, posting pics, etc. yet I have a limited idea as to what's going on out there (save for Liz, London, Chloé via email... and sometimes... sometimes... Leigh). Send me pictures! Keep me posted... I don't even care if it's a newsletter. I was thinking that I don't even know what Ava looks like anymore. Did Dora get the pictures and card I sent her for mother's day? What's Leigh look like now as Liz says she looks amazing?
I'm just sayin'...
Yesterday was SUPER great minus the painful toe. I spent lots of time talking to the boyo about how he's doing, how I'm doing and how we're doing. I think we're in a really good place and I love that we're both doing really well in who we are on our own and together. I'm getting better and better each day (save some internet problems that I still have) and Da5id is working on himself too. I think he realized that he (and we) were slipping into a "settling" spot... and we can't do that. My mom paid us a compliment when they were here last week by saying that she forgets we're married 'cause we act like people who are still dating. I took that to mean that we're still... I dunno... into our own things and not just hanging around??? Does that make sense? I think she meant it as a compliment and that's how I took it anyway.
I really feel like Da5id's my other half and that he just fits so perfectly with me. It's amazing that I would stay with someone for 8 years and still feel like I did when I first fell for the boyo. I feel lucky to have found this person... and I think that he's damn lucky too.
Last night Kat and I went to the Trashcan Sinatras show.
Photo care of Kat's iPhoneThen... I slept.
Wonderful weekend!
"Over the moon and under the influence..."
Easy Read
Trashcan Sinatras
Friday, July 10, 2009
We've been through a lot, the boyo and I.
When I decided to separate from the ex-boyo, I knew Da5id was something. I had known him for a couple years by then and I loved that he never judged me and always knew exactly what I was talking about. We had similar war stories.
I was scared, though. Here I was knowing that I had to jump from this cliff into the dreaded d-word and it scared me. I had been wrong and now I had to undo it, and I knew divorce wasn't easy. Da5id stood by me.
When we started to date, not long after, he had to live with my doubt. Here's a girl he fell in love with that went back and forth from "I love you" to "Perhaps I should go back to my husband."
It wasn't meant to hurt... or tease, it was only because I had no idea what I should do despite knowing what I should do. I was scared. I was scared of constantly jumping from person to person and thinking "This one. This is it" and then being wrong. Worse still, making this big of a mistake that now involved divorce again. Even at all! What if I was just constantly looking for better instead of learning how to make it work?
I was wrong, though.
I was wrong about jumping from guy to guy, forever thinking the grass is always greener. This time I wanted to fight for this relationship. This time, through good and bad, whether him or me, I wanted to work it out. Why? Because I love him more than anything, because after 8 or so years, he still makes my toes curl and still gives me butterflies in my stomach. Even better; this time, I was right. I knew that then, but was too scared to embrace it and maybe I had to work through that fear in order to get to this.
The other day he came by to our new offices just to say hi because he was in the neighborhood. Seeing him in a place that my mind says "Wait, he doesn't belong in this picture" made my day. I suppose, to me, it was like seeing an oasis in the desert. I was giddy as he went along on an errand to the bank where I had to make a deposit for work. The whole way there I kept beaming up at him and holding his hand.
I love his hands. They fit perfectly in mine and feel so comfortable there. The first time we kissed, there was no awkwardness, no adjusting or readjusting to try to get it right. He already knew... or perhaps it was just another example as to how we were two parts of a whole.
Currently, with the bipolar disorder diagnosis, he's been very patient, taking the blows and the episodes somehow. Standing still as I (figuratively) punch him and (literally) scream at him. This is not what he signed up for. This is not the girl he met.
I am worse than ever, or rather, right up until the meds kicked in. I was at a new high in the Ceci scale of crazy. Sure he always knew I was a little crazy, but it used to be a good crazy.
He needs a medal or something.
I love him... whole-ly, deeply, madly. There were times when he started to fall/ was falling that I was there to catch him. This time he's catching me.
We won't let each other fall off that ledge, no matter how close we come to it.
"If that's what it takes
then don't let it tear us apart
even if it breaks your heart"
Cut Copy - Out there on the Ice
Thursday, July 26, 2007
why? you might ask...
because I have a boy named Da5id
he wrote this which I just happened upon
http://www.mywedding.com/ceciandda5id/custom3.html
ok... i'm going to go get a tissue now