Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Little Big Planet

I... have found my latest addiction.

It's a game for PS3 and it has ME written ALLLLL over it.

I think I just fell in love...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Naked But Safe

Writing.

I've been doing a lot of it these days. I've got my little space here, ourpdx.net where I don't post nearly as often or nearly enough like me, the odds and ends that I scribble in the many journals I keep lying about, the submission for Ashley over at Nostus Cookbook that I promised her a month ago and there is the novel I'm writing for NaNoWriMo. Then there are the projects that have gone by the wayside, like Waiting for Amanda and my websites.

Writing is my lover and my enemy. It's loved and hated. It's being naked but safe.

I guess you could say it's like sex... one wonders about how the body is viewed, how good one is, if one is really loved and yet, it's put out there, vulnerable. Writing, for me is very much like that. In a sense it's sort of a no-brainer, you do it 'cause you love it... and the person... sometimes. heh. It's an expression and this is how I choose to express myself, this is how I feel it. So I don't think, I just do.

It's also a lot like a relationship: it's perfect, it's horrid, maybe it's not for me, of course it's for me, I need to work through this.

These nights I've been struggling with the writing. It's a chore, but it's a chore I love, that I get caught up in. I do it because... because I love to. I think about that because a lot of people ask me what I expect to get out of it. Well, nothing really, except for the very act of doing it. When I don't write... it irks me, I feel out of it. Then again, when I do it, I question it all the time.

Ibsen wrote, "To write is to preside at judgment day over one's self." I cannot think of a better way to describe it.

Would I love to be able to write all the time and make my living off of it? Yes! Would it drive me mad because of how hard it is to try to come up with something without over-thinking it? YES! Do I think I can cut it? ... Maybe.

The point, mainly, is that I love to write, with all my heart, with all my soul, with every particle that's me. It's a labor of love. It's what I need to do. How it's done, whether I get paid for it or not, that doesn't matter. The problem still lies in that sometimes in the midst of it all, it scares the hell out of me! However, I'm learning that I can't help but do it, and the more I try to do, the more I want to do, and fuck the questioning of it! I find myself asking what I tend to do with the finished novel (as I will finish it!), and then what, and then what after that?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn, I just want to do it!


*Note: I'd like to thank IAMX for the title Naked But Safe as I can't get the song out of my head and the title worked perfectly for my thoughts on writing.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Inspiration

Third week of NaNoWriMo and I find myself grounded for not hunkering down last week and keeping my nose to the grindstone! I was too distracted with previous engagements (Peter Seller's The Party for movie night on Monday and Ground Kontrol on Tuesday for game night) and with inspirational and... dare I say, outings in the name of research (ourpdx.net meetup and ignite Portland 4) to do so. Since I was not responsible... I'm grounded for a fortnight!...even though the latter 2 did give me much inspiration and were GREAT in just what they were.

ANYWAY...

grounded. yeah.

I'm finding inspiration in dancing, quotes and music. Most importantly, Jesca Hoop as I find her stuff to be very fitting for my writing (especially Dreams in the Hollow).

So for those who are hunkering down with me for the last half of NaNoWriMo... here's some inspiration from my favorite, Neil Gaiman:

"By now you're probably ready to give up. You're past that first fine furious rapture when every character and idea is new and entertaining. You're not yet at the momentous downhill slide to the end, when words and images tumble out of your head sometimes faster than you can get them down on paper."

Now... to the grindstone!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Ah-HA!



Yeah... that's me!

Confessions

I miss dancing...
and there are some J Lo songs I like.

There...happy!?
(clicky the pic-y for video... you've been warned!)
Sometimes I dance around like back in the old days of The Firm in LA... and the old jazz classes.
It energizes me.

I miss my dance partners (Amanda, Leigh, Dora, Liz, Ingrid, Monica, Dylan, Linda and Bud )

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I'm working on the novel although not very well.

I feel like I need the cheerleader now! I can't do it all on my own all the time! Sometimes my hold on ...well... on my dreams, teeters. The thing is, I'm trying to not keep a hold on reality. I'm trying very hard to remember that my world is my own and I can change the color of the sky in it. I feel that only by remembering that I can rearrange the atoms that make up solid matter can I get through that wall. Just like David Knight and Martha Valiant.

For those of you that question the sanity of this... think about it.

Why can't you change your reality? Isn't that what life is about? What we do with our lives and how we shape the world around us? It's all just a matter of knowing HOW to tweak it.

I'm stronger than I think I am most times... so are you.

There are a lot of people around me right now that I've been cheering for and I don't know that they're listening and I'm running out of pep! I'm about ready to smack you guys. Just... listen to me for a minute, ok?

Miracles (for lack of a better word) happen. I can make things happen and so can you. I married the boyo I wanted... it worked and even through the tough times ...it's working. It was no easy feat, this. There was a time when it seemed impossible that we'd be together. Honestly. We had to cheat death to do it. Work? Well, here I am aren't I? Working for a company that finally wants to utilize all I've learned AND I'm writing a freakin' novel... even if it is just to prove that I can do it. I'm here. I'm alive. I've escaped some bad situations and I have the scars to prove it.

I don't know how else to prove it to you people! Especially to those who have been through some of these things with me and have seen that I... we... prevailed. You can change anything... most especially your life.

I believe in you. Just... trust me.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Neglect

Dear blog,
I'm sorry for neglecting you. My room is neglected too, and for that matter so is the kitchen. I've been busy with what I call "research" (reading) and with writing as I'm participating in NaNoWriMo (you remember that, right? I told you about it 2 or 3 posts ago?).

I will try to communicate more with you soon.

Love,
Ceci

...

So it's not that I've been doing anything that's life changing, really, but I have been trying to get in the swing of the job AND this writing. Oh...and Halloween... and the election... it's been busy!

As for the election... I'm sure there are people far better at expressing this than I am (like, say, Coidric), so I'm not gonna say much about it here other than this:
THANK GOD!

Seriously! I feel at least like I have a fighting chance with this country now. It all seemed so...so... stodgy... so... backwards... so... embarrassing!

So yes! I'm happy with the outcome... save for Prop 8 passing in California. WTF?! I mean... putting a ban on gay marriage INTO the CA constitution seems very un-California to me.

Ah.... now I can travel to Europe again without hiding my passport or feigning a Mesican accent ... although I do have problems with going Madonna in England *sigh *

;;