Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
...
Well, that is with one exception.
Love is HARD! It's not only hard to find, hard to get and hard to keep, it's also hard to GROW! Did'ja know tha?
A lot of the learning process of these varying steps not only IS difficult but it looks a MESS! Ask any of your friends if they think you and so-and-so are doing well at such times and they're more than likely to look away... or WORSE! Walk away!
I've done this. I've seen friends go through hard times... really hard times... and think, "Oh man! That's not good at ALL!" There were times that I even felt like I should do something. Then I remember the one thing I learned from Bridget Jones' Diary (well, the one non-silly thing) - one does not always see the nuances of a couple's day-to-day life. The couple might be going through some issues that they're working on resolving and, especially in the case of Da5id and me, passionately fight for it and fling words/ do things to try and hurt the other. This doesn't mean that despite all this, it doesn't work. Sometimes it is because of all that that it DOES work.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Just some of the people I love...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
February 5, 2010
Finding Your Tribe
Your Allies On Life’s Journey
Part of being human is the search for an individual identity. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, however, is an equally intense desire for acceptance. It is when we find our individual tribes that both are satisfied. Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are without reservation and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution. Among them, we feel free to be our imperfect selves, to engage unabashedly in the activities we enjoy, and to express our vulnerabilities by relying on our tribe for support. We feel comfortable investing our time and energy in the members of our tribe, and are equally comfortable allowing them to invest their resources in our development.
The individuals who eventually become members of your unique tribe are out there in the wide world waiting for you. You are destined to find them, one by one, as you move through life. Sometimes your own efforts will put you in contact with your future tribe members. At other times, circumstances beyond your control will play a role in helping you connect with your tribe. If you look about you and discover that you are already allied with a wonderful and supportive tribe, remember that there are likely many members of your tribe you have not yet met. On the other hand, if you feel you are still living outside of your tribe, broadening your horizons can help you find your tribe members.
However your life develops after you come together with your tribe, you can be assured that its members will stand at your side. On the surface, your tribe may seem to be nothing more than a loose-knit group of friends and acquaintances to whom you ally yourself. Yet when you look deeper, you will discover that your tribe grounds you and provides you with a sense of community that ultimately fulfills many of your most basic human needs.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I'd like to thank all those that are worried about my sanity. It really is very sweet and I'm not saying this in a sarcastic way. What I wish you'd do to better understand it, however, is talk to me. If you're worried... call me and find out what's going on.
The only thing that's causing the crazy to go off right now is being misunderstood (in my opinion) and losing people I love when not given a chance to explain AND SO therefore misunderstood.
Sincerely, thank you. However, it would help you and me if you'd just talk to me about it. I don't understand diagnosing the patient without seeing or talking to the patient.
Also, anyone who is concerned about my meds and the taking of MDMA, here's a little study:
'Reduction of Effects
SSRIs tend to cause reduced physiological and mental effects when taken before MDMA. A study for which there was a poster at the College on Problems of Drug Dependence in June of 2002, administered 20mg Paroxetine (Paxil, a common dosage) orally to subjects for 3 days before administering MDMA. Subjects had reduced experiential and physiological responses to the MDMA. See http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=1388.
An important study by Liechti et al., concerning the effects of SSRI pretreatment on subjective MDMA effects in humans, administered Citalopram (an SSRI) at 40mg by IV and found that the Citalopram reduced physiological and emotional responses:
"The main result of this study is that the psychoactive effects of 1.5 mg/kg MDMA were substantially attenuated by pretreatment with the SSRI citalopram (40 mg iv). Citalopram inhibited most of the psychological effects of MDMA. MDMA-induced increases in positive mood, derealization and depersonalization phenomena, thought disorder, and the loss of thought and body control were all attenuated by citalopram pretreatment. MDMA-evoked intensification of sensory perception, changes in the meaning of percepts, and subjectively facilitated imagination were also inhibited by citalopram as compared to MDMA alone. Citalopram alone also lowered scores on some scales compared to placebo. Most of these changes, however, were clearly due to side effects of citalopram such as fatigue, headache, and nausea, which influenced the mood rating. MDMA also produced marked increases in emotional excitability and sensitivity that, however, were not reduced by citalopram."
See http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=392.
"We investigated the effect of citalopram pretreatment (40 mg i.v.) on vegetative and cardiovascular effects of MDMA (1.5 mg/kg p.o.) in a double-blind placebo-controlled study in 16 healthy volunteers. MDMA moderately increased blood pressure and heart rate, slightly elevated body temperature and produced a broad range of acute and shortterm side-effects. Citalopram reduced all these MDMA-induced physiological changes except for body temperature."
See http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=1073. '
http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=392
The SSRI that I am on is called Celexa. I feel little to nothing when on MDMA. SSRIs are serotonin dumpers which is essentially what MDMA does. So if you're concerned about my serotonin levels, just know they were fucked before and it takes a HELL of a dump to right me.
This does not mean I should become a regular user, but I would like to assure everyone that I'm not hell bent on destroying myself.