Tuesday, July 22, 2008


So I get a certain high from meeting new people.

I dunno... it's just what I love. I love talking to people, you know, just sitting and shooting the shit. It doesn't have to be a particularly smart conversation, it doesn't have to to be about music *although, as again tonight has proven, I do tend to find the person or people that love it as much as I do* or anything in particular. No, basically, I just like meeting new and interesting people. Let me tell you that that has been the main perk of moving to a new city.

Today I asked all sorts of things that I wanted to ask about my new city and I got all kinds of opinions, all which made me all the more interested and also made me laugh.

This, people, is what living is all about.

One interacts with one's fellow man/woman. Now... put the meeting point at a bar which of course means add some alcohol (preferably vodka, but I'm not picky), shake... and it's all sorts of grand. Nights like this will find me talking to the random guy in the street in front of the house who made a funny crack as we tried to get the door open. Nights like this, anyone can ask me anything and I wouldn't wonder, what the hell did they mean by that (which actually only generally happens once the crazy and paranoid sets in later that night and I've had time to over-think everything.)

Today I thought it was funny that the comment I got from a clever girl (you know you are!) was that on my blog, this blog, she thought I was 16! Well, I think 'cause really, deep down inside... I am 16. Hell, I generally feel 16 and I don't think that's a bad thing.

Some might say, it's almost like I'm reborn :)

Say what you like, I happen to meet some pretty interesting people that make me fall in love with the world all over again....

I know, I know... how naive can you get, right?

speaking of 16...clicky the linky on the post title!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Ok it's close to bed time, BUT!
but... I had something to say so here I am, saying it.

I feel very lucky.


Easy, I'm alive. I have a boyo I adore, I know who I am and what I am, I know all this and more.

Today kitkat told me that The Prids were in an accident whilst touring down in CA. 2 of them have major issues and the other 2 are banged up badly, but not horrible. The Prids happen to be a PDX band and friends of kitkat's (one of whom I know). All of a sudden, everything they knew is totally different, with hopes that nothing but recovery await the 2 with severe injuries. Their van is totalled and who knows how the equipment is. I can't imagine what M is going through other than trying to get her life back into focus... or even wondering about things that might not be later.

I'm lucky. I'm really lucky.

However, I think that aside from feeling this, I also have to remember it as a warning for that which I think I have plenty of time for today, may not be there tomorrow. Things change in an instant, in a second, in 15 minutes. Whatever the time, it's still so small that we can't even think we'll have time to get used to it.

So what are you waiting for?

Do what you're supposed to be doing already!


my thoughts go out to The Prids and anyone else that was traveling with them....

Saturday, July 19, 2008

For those of you who haven't seen it yet...


Joss Whedon, the man I want to be when I grow up(HA!) of sorts... has his latest project up!

What are you waiting for!? It's only up until Midnight on the 20th(yes of July!)!
GO see it!

So it's been a while since I posted. What can I say? I've been busy. I'd like to stress how weird it is for me to get anything "normal" done when life is so very ... not! Not that it ever really is, but, you know, there's no sense of, well I guess regular would be a better word for it.

Last weekend was my brother's wedding so that kept me busy. It's odd to think that that's the last time I'm off to L.A. for a while. That's it! No more planned! It's... well it's a very "this is really happening" kind of a situation. So it's basically... official! I now live in Portland.

This week, I got a a job. So I'm trying to get back into the how-in-the-hell-does-anyone-get-up-sofa-king-early routine. I should go back to the gym so I'm not so tired at night and I can continue my normal routine of drinking and writing :)
I'm currently working at a place that does inspection on construction sites. You know, the inspections one needs to make sure everything is right and up to code with the house or building that you're building... or with the concrete you're pouring. That kind of thing. I say currently in that it's a long term temp job so I only have it 'til... October I guess.

Beyond that, Da5id and I are house-sitting for a friend who's off in Europe. It's nice to be able to actually live with the boyo! hahahahaa! I mean, I'm getting spoiled here! It's almost like we have our own place: we make dinner, we walk to the store, we come "home" to the same place. In the meantime I'm frantically looking for a place for us to live in so that when this 2 weeks ends, we won't have to go back to our respective couches in separate apts. I mean, I love staying with Kat, but I miss the boyo terribly and being "home" with him! It's proving difficult, however, in that... it seems like you almost have to be right at your computer and ready to move on a place NOW! as soon as it goes up or... it's gone! It's ridiculous and discouraging. We're off to see a place today, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

So that's what's been going on... too much, in my opinion. Heh! I just want to get to cracking on my writing!

Oh and for anyone who's read the newest version of "This is Not a Love Song," can I get a little feedback? Thank you in advanced to Pedro for already doing so :)

Sunday, July 6, 2008


Whew! What a weekend! The boyo was over since Thursday night so I've been visiting with him. It's not often that I get that much time with the boyo, so this was an especially nice treat.

I'm taking The Fool from the tarot deck as a reminder of what I'm after, of what I keep losing sight of.

"The Fool is the spirit in search of experience. He represents the mystical cleverness bereft of reason within us, the childlike ability to tune into the inner workings of the world. The sun shining behind him represents the divine nature of the Fool's wisdom and exuberance. On his back are all the possessions he might need. In his hand there is a flower, showing his appreciation of beauty. He is frequently accompanied by a dog, sometimes seen as his animal desires, sometimes as the call of the "real world", nipping at his heels and distracting him. He is seemingly unconcerned that he is standing on a precipice, apparently about to leap, engaged in the supremest act of idiocy or trust.

The number 0 is a perfect for the Fool, which can become anything when he reaches his destination. Zero plus anything equals the same thing. Zero times anything equals zero. Zero is nothing, a lack of hard substance..."

Makes sense to me *shrugs*

So... *dusts off hands* I've been up to getting some things back in order. Bills, house keeping, etc. Still looking for a job.

The dream job decided to go with someone else so... well, I guess it just wasn't meant for me. I keep on searching and hope I find that right fit. It's been slim pickings with the holiday weekend. Still, I search the listings online and I wonder, "What will work for me?" There are a few listings for management positions in retail. I was shying away from those but now I wonder if perhaps it's something I should look into. I'm completely upside down when it comes to what to do, what to look for and I find my head reeling each time I look at the listings.

Life's too short to work for something just to exist, I still believe that, but I'm finding that my ideals aren't quite fitting in with the real world. However, I still feel like the answer is right at the tip of my fingers... and if I could just stretch the tiniest bit more, I'd reach it.

Nothing's easy, right?

Maybe I'll defy everyone and write a book after all. ha!

the air's alive with the scent of blood
and I swear swear swear that I've had enough of
all the hours all the days
the waiting and the never cames
we can not love what never breaks
and hearts like ours will never change...

~The Static Age~

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

And remember...

"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."

Can't Be Sure...

See this?

That was Portland this past weekend...and although it's not THAT hot anymore... it's still pretty freakin' hot!

For those of you who know me... this is WHY I left SoCal... or at least a really good reason as to WHY... one of many. That's TOO hot people! I've got sensitive skin, burn easy and really just don't do well when I'm hot, sweaty and miserable! I'm just glad that the fourth doesn't have a forecast similar to last weekend.

SO! The big news is that I found my dream job! The thing is, I haven't gotten it yet.
I'm going to write about it here 'cause what with T Minus 2 hours and 35 minutes remaining 'til the second interview, when I'm pretty sure I'll know what the decision is, so I don't think this will jinx it. (You know me and superstitions...)

Rogue put out an ad office ninja (administrative assistant). As soon as I saw the ad I thought, "Oh my god! They're talking to ME!" Seriously... no other ad ... well, few, could have spoke as this one did to me. So I made an immediate reply letting them know that I was more of a samurai than a ninja and introduced myself. I hoped. I dreamed! By Thursday night on our way to Vroom (happy hour at the Shanghai Tunnel) I thought....oh well... it was too good to be true. At 7pm I checked my phone (it had been acting funny) and found I had missed a call...FROM ROGUE!!! So I called back thinking that hopefully I'd get a call back to my call back the next day... and low and behold, I got a call back about 20 minutes later! I talked to S for a good while and the more she told me about the position then more I felt like Wayne in Wayne's World (It will be mine! OH YES!).

So Monday I had my interview with S and I thought it went well... and apparently it did 'cause yesterday I got a call back for an interview with the President today. See, the office ninja also helps out the Pres, so it's now up to him and to see if we mesh. Part of me keeps thinking, "Of course you'll get it! You're perfect for this!" Then there's that little part that I want to kick that says, "Yeah... but what if you don't mesh? There's nothing you can do about that..."

On the whole, I'm thinking, "This is exactly what I've been waiting for!" and "This IS mine!"

You know, positive thinking...

Why's it such a big deal??

Well, aside from the I-need-a-job factor, there's this ideal I had when I first was thinking of what to do when I get here. Of course, at that time, things were paid for and I had a savings... Still, I don't think I should change my idea of ideal for me because some circumstances have changed. I'm still sticking to the remembering what makes me happy... and that's not money. The job doesn't pay much... and isn't a high position, but it's with people that, as far as I can tell, like what they do, care about the people they work with, and truly want to be there. I want that. I want to be able to go to a job that gets me the money I need to live and nothing more. I also want to feel like they'll encourage anything I do, like my writing. If I'm happy with what I do and not working 50+ hours a week, I think I could be happy here. It would also give me time for my writing and weekends off to cuddle with the boyo.

Am I putting that well?? I mean... There are a few things that make me SOOOO happy .... twirl around like a mad woman singing on a mountain top happy... and I want to make sure I have time for those. This job sounds to me like something I can stand behind... and love it. It's not about climbing the ladder... it's about doing my job well... no.... better than well... the best I can... and loving it. Just like I met my match in the relationship part of my life... I want the same match in my job.

As for the writing, you'll all be happy to know I've reworked This is Not a Love Song and submitted it. Now... we wait and hear. I'm hoping to be doing more submitting... more writing, because, if I do it... it'll happen.

So far... so far I'm pretty proud of what I've done...and I think I'm head over heels in love with my life right now.