Monday, March 7, 2011
I was looking in the mirror today and thought... "Wow! I've changed!" Not in a bad way, mind you, just in a "time marches on" sorter sense I guess. So I've decided to do a little "Ceci Throughout the Years" post here and put up some pictures.
Currently, I'm quite happy with the me of now. I like the way I look and feel. In fact, I feel like I'm the very me I've always wanted to be. My hair is short and, in my opinion, looks cute. I've tattoos and piercings I've always wanted to get. I'm in total control of being and looking like the Ceci I've always thought would be a perfect... Ceci!
I'm also in awe of the fact that I feel small. I'm not small, per se... but I'm the smallest I've been since high school and I actually feel small. I even feel small with Stephen, which, can be difficult when he's so thin, and yet I do... I feel small.
Any way... here's Ceci: now and then.
Today
A couple months ago
2009
2008
2007
2007
2004 - 2006... something like that...
2005-ish I believe.
2004
2003
Sunday, February 27, 2011
First news: I was laid off. Yep, ladies and gents, my assignment at Amazon.com came to an end as of Thursday. Am I ok? Yes. I had a bit of panic there, still I can't help but be optimistic. Dunno why, but I'm all for it.
With that said, I'm working on trying to use more of my time to write and take part in other endeavors that will lead me down a more creative path. I guess, I'm just trying to free myself from the rut that I feel I got stuck in after working so many hours at work. Having the time isn't enough, I feel like I really have to try for it because it's too easy to let the "free time" waste away on other things.
I feel a bit out of touch with a lot of my friends, but most times I think that this has to do with bipolar issues I have to battle for life. I'm trying, guys. I know I just have to keep in touch with the lot of you, but it's not always easy. Sometimes the monsters in my head outnumber the reality. I'm fighting it, bit by bit. I'm trying to update this blog at least once a week in order to stop feeling like a recluse and at least keep a line open to everyone in how and what I'm doing.
Side note to anyone that gets my posts emailed to them: if you're going to respond, please respond on the blog and not to the email. For some reason the email isn't coming to me directly anymore so I have to go in and fix that so that I can get those responses again. In the meantime, if you have responded to me and I've not answered, that's probably why.
I know this isn't much of a post, but I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed.
I tremble.
They're going to eat me alive
If I stumble....
Help I'm Alive.
Metric
<3
_c_
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
February 5, 2010
Finding Your Tribe
Your Allies On Life’s Journey
Part of being human is the search for an individual identity. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, however, is an equally intense desire for acceptance. It is when we find our individual tribes that both are satisfied. Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are without reservation and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution. Among them, we feel free to be our imperfect selves, to engage unabashedly in the activities we enjoy, and to express our vulnerabilities by relying on our tribe for support. We feel comfortable investing our time and energy in the members of our tribe, and are equally comfortable allowing them to invest their resources in our development.
The individuals who eventually become members of your unique tribe are out there in the wide world waiting for you. You are destined to find them, one by one, as you move through life. Sometimes your own efforts will put you in contact with your future tribe members. At other times, circumstances beyond your control will play a role in helping you connect with your tribe. If you look about you and discover that you are already allied with a wonderful and supportive tribe, remember that there are likely many members of your tribe you have not yet met. On the other hand, if you feel you are still living outside of your tribe, broadening your horizons can help you find your tribe members.
However your life develops after you come together with your tribe, you can be assured that its members will stand at your side. On the surface, your tribe may seem to be nothing more than a loose-knit group of friends and acquaintances to whom you ally yourself. Yet when you look deeper, you will discover that your tribe grounds you and provides you with a sense of community that ultimately fulfills many of your most basic human needs.
Friday, May 15, 2009
...but I'm sharing some of the links I found on her blog.
The first one that struck me was this one:
Also, she had a game link
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The top 8 at 8 at 3:45 - the top 3 things I'm thinking about *
1 comments Posted by Ceci Virtue at 3:16 PM1) Why do people "lol"? They even say "lol." I can't even do it on chat or in comments or anything because I think of it as AOL speak(you know...the kids who could use chat before they knew how to use it well by trolling and basically being a nuisance). I mean it used to mean something but now people use it as a word not an abbreviation (as in "I just LOLed") OR they use it redundently ("I just laughed LOL") and worse than that, a combination of the 2 ("I just LOLed out loud!") What the frak people!?
2) Doris Day had 3 husbands by my age. I've only had two. Is this a catch up thing or does that mean I'm not doing too badly?? Only time will tell kids, only time will tell.
3) Ideas for stories:
- What children don't want you to know: The things that happen that your kids keep from you because you can't handle it OR Why Bobby never told you he was molested. (a little long me thinks and I don't know that the public can handle this...heh)
- What third graders think about sex - because if you think that kids have NO idea, you're terribly wrong!
- My first Bad Word - I've found that most of my friends and I first learned (and started using) shit or fuck around the ages of 5-7, and I don't mean just hearing the words...
- Wren: A Story - a story about a girl who lives in a world where people are Stories (spelled with a capital S as they have to differentiate between stories that are things and stories that are people)
*I was thinking back to the old good KROQ days (as opposed to the bad ones) in LA. They used to do what KISS (a top 40 radio station in LA) called the top 8 at 8, except it was the top 8 at 8 at 9, which was the top 5 songs requested that day at 9pm.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Ceci a year ago in Amsterdam adding Eddie the travel monkey to the Nightwatch.For an update: psychiatrist visited (and still going), the diagnosis sticks and now I'm trying on the meds.
That is all.
So I'm sitting here feeling like I need to write something. It's been ages since I've written anything for anyone or even to anyone. I have a hard time communicating right now, I guess. I really don't know why or what to do about it but I cannot bring myself to comment on my usual haunts in blogland. Nor Twitter... Facebook... myspace... Not here, nor on ourpdx... I just feel like I have nothing to say about anything. My mind is a complete blank on things other than what I'm taking in, finding out and learning from.
However, I have this urge to write.
It's what I do, after all.
It's odd how when one is content after a long while of feeling out of sorts, one wonders why that feeling is forgotten. Johanna suggested I write myself a letter but I think I'll just place it here.
The year's at the spring,
And day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hill-side's dew-pearl'd;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in His heaven--
All's right with the world!
-Robert Browning
So I will try.
I got the cello finally. Saturday night the boyo helped me tune it. Then I sat down and tried to get to know it. I hope it likes me...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
or slight of hand... what ever
It's true!
I've so much to do, so much on my mind, that I need to get done before I leave on Tuesday that I wouldn't be surprised if I did.
So how about a little something to distract us, huh?
Ah! Now that's better!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
It's with much sadness that I announce that one of my favorite little wine bars in Long Beach, Casa Vino, is closing its doors.
CasaVino opened right when we moved to Long Beach and we spent some great times there. Pocket had her birthday there, the boyo and I had a raucous date night there, London and I met Wes #9 and bought some excellent wine, and there were gatherings with Chloe for a more sophisticated venue for our usual conversations.
For anyone in the Long Beach area, the official closing party is next Saturday the 21st of March starting at 5pm and closing in usual CasaVino fashion, "whenever."
Well, just know that one boy in London and this girl and the boyo in Portland will miss knowing that CasaVino is around in Long Beach whenever we go back to visit. The Notorious Long Beach 4 (usually without Amanda, unfortunately) had some great times there.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
The day I leave for Europe... is the same day that Rasputina will be playing here in Portland.
I want my cake and Edith too!
Mlle_Aubergine made me something at art.com using the art pad.
Click on the pic!Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Yesterday was one of those days when you just want to deny you exist.
"Who? That dumb girl over there? No... don't know her... Can't say as I want to."
It seemed that most of the tasks assigned to me were fairly simple, however, I seemed to mess them all up. Some were complete and utter mind farts, others were just... not as easy as they were made to sound due to lack of information or files not appearing to be how/where the task setter said.
That my brain got fried was my own fault. I should have just ignored my stupid "let's plow on!" sentiment, brushed my hands and called the day off. Instead I ended up with a 9-1/2 hour day.
*sigh*
I need to learn to say, "Screw you guys, I'm going home." (just like Eric Cartman)
Thankfully... today... well today is another day and I love it.
"Yesterday was plain awful!
You can say that again
YESTERDAY WAS PLAIN AWFUL!
but that's
not now
that's then!"
~Annie~
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
So due to technical difficulties, I posted something today that I've been trying to post since last Thursday. Just an FYI that you might want to hop back a few posts.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
So it's been a while since I posted. What can I say? I've been busy. I'd like to stress how weird it is for me to get anything "normal" done when life is so very ... not! Not that it ever really is, but, you know, there's no sense of, well I guess regular would be a better word for it.
Last weekend was my brother's wedding so that kept me busy. It's odd to think that that's the last time I'm off to L.A. for a while. That's it! No more planned! It's... well it's a very "this is really happening" kind of a situation. So it's basically... official! I now live in Portland.
This week, I got a a job. So I'm trying to get back into the how-in-the-hell-does-anyone-get-up-sofa-king-early routine. I should go back to the gym so I'm not so tired at night and I can continue my normal routine of drinking and writing :)
I'm currently working at a place that does inspection on construction sites. You know, the inspections one needs to make sure everything is right and up to code with the house or building that you're building... or with the concrete you're pouring. That kind of thing. I say currently in that it's a long term temp job so I only have it 'til... October I guess.
Beyond that, Da5id and I are house-sitting for a friend who's off in Europe. It's nice to be able to actually live with the boyo! hahahahaa! I mean, I'm getting spoiled here! It's almost like we have our own place: we make dinner, we walk to the store, we come "home" to the same place. In the meantime I'm frantically looking for a place for us to live in so that when this 2 weeks ends, we won't have to go back to our respective couches in separate apts. I mean, I love staying with Kat, but I miss the boyo terribly and being "home" with him! It's proving difficult, however, in that... it seems like you almost have to be right at your computer and ready to move on a place NOW! as soon as it goes up or... it's gone! It's ridiculous and discouraging. We're off to see a place today, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
So that's what's been going on... too much, in my opinion. Heh! I just want to get to cracking on my writing!
Oh and for anyone who's read the newest version of "This is Not a Love Song," can I get a little feedback? Thank you in advanced to Pedro for already doing so :)
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
See this?
That was Portland this past weekend...and although it's not THAT hot anymore... it's still pretty freakin' hot!
For those of you who know me... this is WHY I left SoCal... or at least a really good reason as to WHY... one of many. That's TOO hot people! I've got sensitive skin, burn easy and really just don't do well when I'm hot, sweaty and miserable! I'm just glad that the fourth doesn't have a forecast similar to last weekend.
SO! The big news is that I found my dream job! The thing is, I haven't gotten it yet.
I'm going to write about it here 'cause what with T Minus 2 hours and 35 minutes remaining 'til the second interview, when I'm pretty sure I'll know what the decision is, so I don't think this will jinx it. (You know me and superstitions...)
Rogue put out an ad office ninja (administrative assistant). As soon as I saw the ad I thought, "Oh my god! They're talking to ME!" Seriously... no other ad ... well, few, could have spoke as this one did to me. So I made an immediate reply letting them know that I was more of a samurai than a ninja and introduced myself. I hoped. I dreamed! By Thursday night on our way to Vroom (happy hour at the Shanghai Tunnel) I thought....oh well... it was too good to be true. At 7pm I checked my phone (it had been acting funny) and found I had missed a call...FROM ROGUE!!! So I called back thinking that hopefully I'd get a call back to my call back the next day... and low and behold, I got a call back about 20 minutes later! I talked to S for a good while and the more she told me about the position then more I felt like Wayne in Wayne's World (It will be mine! OH YES!).
So Monday I had my interview with S and I thought it went well... and apparently it did 'cause yesterday I got a call back for an interview with the President today. See, the office ninja also helps out the Pres, so it's now up to him and to see if we mesh. Part of me keeps thinking, "Of course you'll get it! You're perfect for this!" Then there's that little part that I want to kick that says, "Yeah... but what if you don't mesh? There's nothing you can do about that..."
On the whole, I'm thinking, "This is exactly what I've been waiting for!" and "This IS mine!"
You know, positive thinking...
Why's it such a big deal??
Well, aside from the I-need-a-job factor, there's this ideal I had when I first was thinking of what to do when I get here. Of course, at that time, things were paid for and I had a savings... Still, I don't think I should change my idea of ideal for me because some circumstances have changed. I'm still sticking to the remembering what makes me happy... and that's not money. The job doesn't pay much... and isn't a high position, but it's with people that, as far as I can tell, like what they do, care about the people they work with, and truly want to be there. I want that. I want to be able to go to a job that gets me the money I need to live and nothing more. I also want to feel like they'll encourage anything I do, like my writing. If I'm happy with what I do and not working 50+ hours a week, I think I could be happy here. It would also give me time for my writing and weekends off to cuddle with the boyo.
Am I putting that well?? I mean... There are a few things that make me SOOOO happy .... twirl around like a mad woman singing on a mountain top happy... and I want to make sure I have time for those. This job sounds to me like something I can stand behind... and love it. It's not about climbing the ladder... it's about doing my job well... no.... better than well... the best I can... and loving it. Just like I met my match in the relationship part of my life... I want the same match in my job.
As for the writing, you'll all be happy to know I've reworked This is Not a Love Song and submitted it. Now... we wait and hear. I'm hoping to be doing more submitting... more writing, because, if I do it... it'll happen.
So far... so far I'm pretty proud of what I've done...and I think I'm head over heels in love with my life right now.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
So a few days ago Kat got an airport express in order for us to be able to sit here and do exactly what it is we're doing now... and that is sitting and ignoring each other, she in the chair, me on the sofa, both on our laptops.
The problem, however, came when we couldn't get it to work... so then we had to have the boys look at it. Da5id finally got it to work by ignoring everything we told him about what it should be doing (if Tallz would have not listened to us, perhaps he could have gotten it working a day earlier). So now! We have have WiFi!
This means I can:
-sit on the porch and write
-not have to use Kat's computer (I miss my presets... I like my links and I'm just used to Eddie)
-listen to Big Sonic Heaven again! (I introduced Kat and Tallz to it and it's now something we have to do on the big computer...with speakers... hopefully, every night it's on)
SO!
This means that I will now be able to post more!
YAY!
well... except tonight... well, tonight I'm spending the night with the boyo... and if that sounds like a "so what?" well... it's a big thing since we live in different place and it's been about a month since we've been able to get together!
ciao!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
So...
I'm an idiot...
I think that my body/face has decided it's going through a new puberty/ shedding to change. It's been getting weird rashes, bumps, and pimples; it's more sensitive than usual and it's driving me nuts!!!
I feel like I'm 15 again.
One of the things that it's doing is making my eyelids très sensitive and dry. They were peeling a few weeks back... just out of dryness ...despite what I used on them. After a little bit it got better... didn't feel bad... or as bad... so I kinda forgot...
Sunday...Jill's wedding. I figured I should get the waxing done...
...
can you see where this is going?
...
So I asked for the usual...which is everything: bikini, legs, underarms, upper lip and... yes, eyebrows.
Well... the eyebrows were a BAD idea. HORRID idea.
I dunno if it was the wax that burnt them...or that it tore a layer off... but now....now everyone thinks that I have makeup on... a red line underlining my eyebrows...just... so.
It looks like this:
