Reconciling Saints

...was what I told Cedric today at lunch.

So today we decided we were going to try out the new little french place called Chez Joly for lunch. My lunch partners today were Cedric and William and we had a good time talking about this, that, and the other. You know, like you do. We had a marvelous little lunch!

Oddly we were discussing how certain clubs in certain places won't let you in unless you're a)rich b) famous or c) special (unique/cool/etc.). It was agreed that Cedric would most likely be allowed in, but he had to work what he's got (which isn't difficult as Cedric is just... well... Cedric!)

So as we were leaving the owner was talking with us asked if we were painters or actors or ... something! There were odd stutters from around the table as William answered that he was a programmer, Cedric just answered that no, we weren't anybody and I sorter "er"d and "umm"d. Mainly I said neither yes nor no because my first thought was to say, "Yes, but no one you've heard of yet!" My second thought was to just say that I was a writer but this was negated by my third thought which is the fact that I don't write for a living, I just sort of dabble and technically my job title is analyst. Hence the "er"s and "umm"s. We thanked the owner and said we were basically no one he'd heard of and went on our merry way.

As we left, William argued that he was a programmer and I argued that whenever anyone asks you if you're special or if you are somebody, you say YES! Mostly because I do believe we are "somebody!" and also because I do believe that we are very interesting people (William, Cedric and I as well as the people we know).

I think it's proven just by the fact that someone thinks we're "somebody" even when technically (by definition in social and pop-culture terms) we're not!

*the author would like to note that she has been trying to post this since last week but was having issues with the images... and therefore it's only up NOW! Better late than never, right?
_c_ (9-16-08)

So these are pics from my first marriage. We were apparently married by Yoda.

I still giggle when I see them. We were cute... and it really felt like the right thing to do. Alas, this did not turn out the way I intended it to (I know, Stephen, I know! But I can at least admit when I'm wrong! We do play for keeps, but I was wrong)

After that I swore I would never get married again... mainly 'cause I didn't want to be wrong again. It (the divorce, the separation) was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. I figured if it could bond you so tightly to the wrong person, it was too much of a chance to take again.

So when I married the boyo back in January, I was happy, surprised ...and shocked that I had been wrong again in thinking that never again would I tie myself so closely to someone.



I like to think of it as choosing to try with someone again, someone that for now... and that I think that for a while... I'll want to be with.

I'm happy to see when my friends help prove me wrong... well, with my initial thought about how I'm never doing that again. It's also nice to know that I can tell people that one doesn't always get it right the first time. Scary, right? Still, it's one of those things that... it's ok if you get it wrong. Isn't that life, anyway? A series of things that help us learn and grow and... evolve??

Partnership with someone is hard, whether it's simply boyfriend or girlfriend status, married, living together, or domestic partnership. We choose everyday who we are, what we want to become and how we choose to express that. There's no permanace in life, just as there's no permance in relationships, truly. Sure, sometimes you find someone that you would like to be able to see the rest of forever with, but it doesn't always stay that way.

Cedric and M, thank you for reminding me of the gifts we have in our lives, and that we all have the ability to choose that which makes us happy, that which makes us whole... no matter what and no matter how much we change.