Tuesday, August 13, 2013

So I'm starting something new. Something has set me to start again, to get myself going in a new direction of what I want to achieve - of what I'm capable of achieving. I've learned a lot in the past couple of months. I'll have to say that, thus far, 37 has started a revolution... and none too subtlety.
In thinking back to past actions and relationships, I can see my bad habits… and I'd like to right those bad habits. I’m not doing myself any favors otherwise, and I should be pretty damn important to me.
So! I’ve decided I’m going to promise myself/ hold true a few (… or 10) things:
  1. I promise to never go home early/ not do something just because I'm concerned as to whether or not my boyfriend is having a good time. I would stick around if it was the other way 'round. When I have before, I've generally found that I can enjoy it, especially by just letting go and letting be. I mean, Hell! I put myself in the situation!*
  2. I will stop working myself into a tizzy.  If I'm not happy with it, I need to talk about, get over it, or say no. Simple.
  3. I control me. I have final say on what I choose to do… or not do… and what I am willing to put up with. PATEOTS!**
  4. I will remember that I know I am self-reliant. I am not some damsel in this dress,*** therefore I will not feel dismissed if I don't get the help that I never asked for (see also work-myself-into-a-tizzy). I can do it myself; I didn't want, ask, or need the help. Just because person A doesn't offer to help me do B does not mean one should be second guessing their loyalty/ reliability. If I haven't asked for help when I do need it and I don't get it, it's no one's fault but my own; people can't read my mind no matter how well they know me.****
  5. I will be wooed and I will be loved. Anything less is inexcusable. I need to love me enough to know that I'm worth someone loving me just as much as I love me… and them... if they're lucky.
  6. I'm not a doormat.
  7. I promise to hold my partner responsible for the other half of the partnership, illness and special circumstances excluded (limited time offer).
  8. That being said… I promise not to try to hold up all of the partnership. I will ask for help when I need it and not just expect it (see the bit about people not reading my mind).  One cannot and should not do it all by one’s self… not in the long run, anyway.
  9. I promise to keep the knowledge of how awesome I am with me at all times. Certain exclusions apply for humility when necessary and/ or called for.
  10.  I promise that the one thing I know is that I don't know everything. I will continue to learn and remember that learning can come from anywhere, even the person that seems to be the dumbest person I know.*****

* When the Trash Can Sinatras came ‘round from Scotland on tour in 2005 (they hadn’t toured the US since ‘91? ‘92?), I went to see them at the Troubadour. The guy standing next to me and the Five guy listened to me babble in giddy excitement about all that and later handed me a sticker to go backstage with. I politely declined saying I had to work early (I did) and really needed to go to bed… AS IF THAT WOULD EVER STOP ME OTHERWISE! Dumbest. Thing. Ever! All because I was “concerned” about Fivey’s time… and boredom level.
** Period At The End Of The Sentence!
*** When I was a kid, that's what I thought the saying was...as the distressed damsel was always in a dress... I figured it was just a take on women being weak. [[shrugs]]
****Some exclusions apply
*****See above.