Reconciling Saints

OK

so it seems that many of you can't go to my wedding... and i'm feeling a little down about that

here's the thing... i'm not down that you can't make it...
i'm down that i had to make it so freakin' far away!

i feel like i was being selfish...

who the hell has a wedding in a place where 90% of their guest list don't live there????

and how in the hell do you except people to go there???

it seems more often that not, we're getting regrets in the mail.

this makes me sorter sad in that... i feel like i have failed the people that would have come otherwise....

please... i'm so sorry

so

...

it's been about a month since I wrote something on here... maybe a little less... but there abouts

according to our little countdown... there are 24 days until

....


!!!!!

seriously... i don't know how my head is NOT going to explode before the end of the month.
if i survive... i'll drink myself into a stupor in portland.
...
ha!

things going through my mind right now:
- what if my dress doesn't fit anymore? I'm having nightmares of the dress not zipping and me popping seams ... and just looking like ... a big ole sausage
... this one is very prominently on my mind
so much so that it's the only picture i had in my mind as i battled my way through one of the toughest spin classes i've had... i even had a small puddle of sweat under me.
- how many things have i forgotten and is it too late to do anything about them? is anything really done?
- when the hell am i going to get christmas shopping done!? mind you it's just for the immediate family... 'cause we have soooooo much else to pay for
- really... will i fit in my dress???

....

i forgot the rest....

*slaps hand to head*

help!

da5id 'fessed up

well... he did so before I went on the San Francisco debauchery tour '07...
it turns out... he can't sleep when i'm not here

he says he just doesn't know what to do with himself and can't get comfortable in our bed... so he basically just waits to pass out where he sits.... generally that involves alcohol and TV or a lot gaming... or a night out with the guys...and a lot of drinking again...

he says that on my early mornings... he wakes up early as well... almost as soon as i close the door... it's very much like... something is missing and he wakes up...and he does the arm check (you know...sling the arm on the side of the bed you don't sleep on to check if it's empty) and if i'm there...that's generally not a good thing in that it means that i'm late. but that's rare... so generally...he just wakes up and just... starts his day...

poor boyo! to think... i used to have to be at work at 3:30am!
at least 5am is AS bad.

that's....so cute

by the way... i don't know about being at home WITHOUT him... but if i'm away, he's right... i generally don't start missing him 'til i'm on my way home. my theory is that i'm doing too much to miss him... but i've rarely been home without him.... WAIT...wait...yes...yes i was.... new years....2 or 3 years ago... when he was in Prague with London. i couldn't go to sleep without leaving pride and prejudice... yes, the BBC version... playing.

*sigh*
which is WHY we try not to vacation without the other...

cute

Oh My GOD!

Damien has a baby!
...and Ruth too... but it's easier to picture Ruth with the baby than Damien...

So last night I was finishing up on some of the invitations that I needed further info on...
you know... new addresses that I didn't have yet, that kind of thing.

I also got some cards that were just fun stuff...

Well I finished them and put them aside... but a bottle of wine later... I don't know HOW it happened...but i kicked the bottle over... or something. So, now... I have envelopes with wine stains on them.

Only one is a family member that... may or may not wonder what the hell happened to it... the others are friends who...really i think might find it funny.

to send or not to send...THAT is the question....

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it...Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

"Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

Wuthering Heights
Emily Brontë

seriously... I don't know how it's all going so fast... in about a week and a half, Da5id and I will be answering questions in Portland to the people we must answer to. Weird!

We're almost there.

I love Da5id... truly I do.

We've come a long way...
Saturday we had one of our therapy sessions...
still one of the best things I think we've done.
You know what???

We had nothing to say! Vanessa said that that was ok...and that we could continue to go if we wanted to, stop, or play it by ear. Da5id and I decided to play it by ear.

How weird is that?!

I can't believe we've made it this far ... and I can't believe how far we've come... It's amazing...

I'll write more later...when it's not so late and I'm more sober..therefore able to reign in my thoughts...

I just wanted to let you know that... it's close and... we've come a LONG way

ah... the bachelorette weekend...
in san francisco...
that almost didn't happen 'cause i got in a car accident on the way to Dora's to leave for said venture...

SO

last night I got my first RSVP

Liz... you are the big winner of the first to respond for the wedding! I'm not sure what you win yet... but i'll think of something

it was odd to see it there...and to see that someone's coming... I'm guessing that the responses will come in spurts...
the whole wedding thing still doesn't feel like a total reality for me. It's very much a concept...a dream even... but not something that I feel is real. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I never expected to do this. I never saw myself getting married... never dreamed when I was a little girl of getting married. I did dream of finding the one who would complete me... love me... but there was never much involved in the way of marriage...at least.. not in the dreaming of it sense.

so this should be interesting...

now I'm just curious who WILL go...
that's what i want to know...

ok....

I have to admit I'm not a very good adult...
I forget things... important things...simple things...

Like... postage stamps...
and pens....
and weighing the envelopes to see how much postage they needed...
and verifying addresses....'cause people move
*shakes head*

some days i think i have no business being an adult

SO the invitation...er... put together party went well....
aside from the above stated facts, that is
Thanks to Dora for her house and help, and Liz, Chloe and Joe for coming along to put them all together...

oh and thanks for the cupcakes, Liz!

We had a pretty good time
and I have to say this because Dora mentioned that she would probably be all over my blog :)
when we first got there Dora asked me if I had brought pens to which I think I responded with a blank stare. Then she gave me that mom look she's gotten so good at and asked me about the stamps... to which I think I grimaced and sorter mumbled an apology and said that I had totally spaced on it.

oof! did i feel like a doofus.

rightly so, I was teased about this for the rest of the night.

seriously, there are lots of times when I wonder... am I ever going to be responsible? am I ever going to learn to do the things that I need to? I still don't think I make a very good adult... which is another reason I think the whole "real wedding thing" scares me.
I know I know.... this sounds silly... it sounds like I'm just giving in. It's also something that I should just use more sense on. *shrugs*

Still, this always happens to me when I have to do something a little more... responsible? It's like... I don't do responsible. I have no idea how to... that chip was never put in me. It's not a far stretch to do these things... but it still seems to be something I easily forget. I think that's why I always feel like I'm not an adult... I feel like a kid when it comes to certain things...
Especially when it comes to how to dress for certain events...

ok I have to go to work now... it's the one thing I do... somewhat responsibly.
I wish I could stay home to better fight off this cold.

ugh!

what are you doing this friday, october the 26th????
do you....
think you can come around to chez nous and help us put the invitations together???

drinks allowed...but only clear liquids ( so that means that vodka is ok)

WELL!?!?!?!?

Taking Scott out reminded me of why I used to have a problem with leaving LA. There are SOOOOOO many neat things here.

What happened?

I forgot about them and/or don't do them anymore. A good example: shows... concerts rather. I used to go to tons and there was no way that you could miss someone... who didn't stop in LA?? When Radiohead toured for Kid A, they did only 7 shows in the country.... country? world? I think it was country... yeah.... and of course...they played the Greek Theater and Alinka, London and I got tickets...and it was amazing. They also played a small show at the Troubadour right before OK Computer.... Then there's the Madness show I saw at the Troubadour which was incredible... However, i don't do these things anymore... and it's very sad.

I don't hang out at the Kitty anymore, or Lola's... or go to any of the many dance clubs I used to love to go stomp around at.
...
why??
...
and how much will i miss it when I go away?

I'm trying to hold it together here... mainly 'cause I'm actually, mentally ok.

However, there are little things that keep happening that are causing some cracks...
like...work...some days...still....I want to walk out. I can't help but think...there's more to me than this... and i spend WAY too much time and energy here. Ever since I've started to write more, work has begun to bore me. I find the stocking monotonous and I hate worrying about all we have to order and stupid kids who don't care that we're trying to get work done... and people who call in "sick."
I'm looking for a way out. Suggestions? Offers?

then there's my car... which died on the way home yesterday... my friend mike thinks it's the alternator since the battery is less than a year old. It's just not charging what it should. thankfully, I have a portable battery.. so I just plugged it into the battery for extra oomph and got my butt home. I had to use it on the way to work again today. It just won't keep a charge.... even once it's running... if I don't have it plugged in.There goes this paycheck.

Oh and my phone hit the fwy as I was fucking around with the battery. it went kersplat! as I tried to call Da5id who was asleep...and his phone was in the other room. horrible. it's done....toast.... i'm going to use da5id's for a bit... until london can send his out with asef... if he remembers.

My shoulder/neck problem is acting up again... causing much pain...and a lot of numbness....and a horrible headache if i don't do anything about it (ie, take something for it or ice it) which resulted in...

don't take vicodin at work! I grabbed the wrong bottle on my way to work today. There I was thinking I had grabbed my prescription strength ibuprofen and when I took it at lunch...well....i had no idea that I had taken it until i felt VERY loopy and VERY sleepy. Oi to the VAY!

Aside from that...I've an old...recurring problem. One that has more to do with ...being held... and how often.
Perhaps it's just that there's been so much going on that we forgot about ourselves... and it has me touch deprived...

So then, what keeps the mutiny at bay??

Me... this me... the real me that has come out again... it's all so wonderful.... i've discovered so much about myself... that it's really hard to think of just dissolving into tears. Why would I do that when...I've lived through this and more... and this time I'm better prepared.

huh

oh so pretty
..
and witty
...
i think i'm gayer than people think.
...and you can take that however you want to...

i dunno if it's the exercise, the new found perspective i've gotten in being with the person that loves and supports me the most... not to mention has to deal with me (i AM a handful!) or if it's the season (i DO so love fall)
something, though, something is making me feel re-energized.

could also be the writing...

then again, it might be just a sum of all the parts. I don't think I've ever felt more like myself in the last 5 years... not since I first separated from John.

It makes me more than just a little sad that I made such a big step with my separation, and then i couldn't get out of the shock of all the things going on around me; the job layoff, the marital status, the catholic guilt that my mother so perfectly embedded into my self, the breaking foot and eventual wait gain from lack of exercise (i was off my foot for 4 months).

Not even my mother can bring me down...and let me tell you, she's been REALLY trying to.

With my realization a few days ago that i don't want any negativity around me, I've decided that i'm going to out my mother.

Out what, you might ask?

She's got issues. Let's face it, she's manic depressive, bipolar and suffers from anxiety, but that's just my own diagnosis, so not very official. She won't go to someone to treat her for it... nor does she see it as anything other than her lot in life.
I'm not sure if she thinks tht god is punishing her, or that we're ungrateful...or what... but i think she just accepts it as something that has happened to her... and not something that she can correct. I've seen my mom go from a people loving person, who was always eager to meet new people and to have people over, to someone who told me that she hopes she dies before my wedding so as not to have to deal with all the people...

it's really kind of sad... and in order to try to get through to her... which may be a losing battle... i have to put myself in a pretty vulnerable position... and half the time, wait... most of the time, she gets to me. She fights back by throwing things in my face that can hurt me...like how I make her feel... or by trying to plant doubt in my friends. My therapist is close to forbidding me from seeing her...

However, how does one NOT see one's mother?

Well, ok... it's a bad relationship...and she's really bad for me. Yet, how do I just let go and not try to help her? Is it a losing battle; will it just hurt me more than than it will help her?

How can I save someone so far in, and do I even try to save her?

As i've said before, I know that i'm not going to get my mother to understand me...and it's what it has to be, but it makes me sad. I don't expect a "perfect" mother/ daughter relationship... but I want something better than this...something where she's a little more supportive, a little happier for me.

I'm not posting this to try to make her into the bad guy... i just want to get some opinions and maybe gain some understanding... Always with the understanding...

I also wanted to say that I'm not going to let that influence me again. The straw that broke the camel's back...last Wednesday... my mother was lamenting the fact that on my wedding day, I'm not going to put my hair up, not going to wear heels and apparently the dress is all wrong. I thought I looked good with my hair straight like it was at the cocktail party, I thought I looked good in my dress at the final fitting (thank you SOOOO much Dora for accompanying me) so much so that I felt a little embarrassed that i thought i looked so good... and really..the ballet flats would be excellent for that dress.

So it made me upset instead of hurting me. Wait. Actually first it stung...then i was a little self-conscious... but for just a second... and then... i thought...HEY! i don't agree! and i sorter got mad about it...
and that was that...
it put me in the slightest slump for the day which caused da5id to ask me what the hemming and hmmming were all about. So I tried to use my words...

Use your words, Ceci, use your words.

That's when I tried to talk out what I was feeling and what had happened and how I had felt seconds after, then minutes after...

I AM pretty! I AM talented... at least, I think so.
Yes, I'm irreverent. Yes, i like to cross the line. Yes, I make off color remarks... and drink too much... and once actually admitted to my parents that I had smoked before... hahahahahahaha!!!!
but that's me... and I like her...a whole lot more than i thought possible.

I'm sorry, mom, i had to out you.
Maybe now i can make peace with you...but I'll be DAMNED if it's at my expense!

100 days to the wedding
...
i'm starting to hyperventilate....
more due to the fact that people are going to see something so private... and that scares me...

oddly.... my close friends there would be nerve wracking but not as nerve wracking as that of doing this in front of tons of people that barely know me.

this... i will admit...is a very special thing that's happening...so much so that i don't want those that won't get it around me...and i know that my parents won't. I tried to connect with them a long time ago... and it didn't happen...they didn't get it... tante pied! Too bad! they don't get to know this wonderful girl that they created....
if only they knew ... if only they knew...

it's ok if they don't... i've decided i'm making my own family... the friends i hold near and dear to me... the ones that do know who i am...and how i am...and how to deal with me... those...

there's a lot i'm thankful for from my parents... their intelligence... the want to do and know more... and the things they never acknowledged...which is where i think i come from...but they don't acknowledge me... and that's where the sad part is...

and that's the price i have to pay...so be it... i'm not going to make them happy... but i'll make me happy
i'm going to look like i do.... i'm going to marry the guy that came for me too late...at a weird time...but came none the less...
and i'm going to make my family of all the misfit friends that i have... no matter what their beliefs are... no matter WHO they are. criminals...junkies... liars... my friends...my family... the people that believe me...and believe in me... and vice versa.... i LONG for the day when i can spend the important days with my family...
it's coming up... it's coming...
the wedding... in about 100 days... will bring me to that... I'll be more than my own person... i'll be part of da5id...and what we choose to do... will be what we choose to do , and who we mark as family, those who understand us, will be.
It feels like..just like... da5id and i are righting all the wrong things that happened to us when we were younger...in the families that we grew up in... that could have killed us for being ourselves...but that we somehow survived...
honestly.
somehow we got through the people that didn't think we'd make it...flowers growing up in weeds...in rocks...in a place where we shouldn't have been able to flourish...

lord knows we tried hard to off ourselves in our own way, save suicide...all in the name of coping with it...
but i found him...and that has saved me...and i think i saved him...
and in 100 days... we're going to make something right... something that always had the power to do so... but wasn't sure it could survive...

so..
in conclusion...
it's scares me 'cause it's far too personal to share with everyone... but we're right...and the main part of the audience will get it... and i know i've met my match.

"There there baby
it's just textbook stuff
it's in the ABC
of growing up
now now darling
oh don't lose your head
'cause none of us were angels
and you know i love you, yeah"
~Speeding Cars~
Imogene Heap

Sometimes I forget that I was married before...
not totally, mind you...

but sometimes it's almost like that was something I did when I was a kid...
Dora keeps reminding me that it was still just as important, still as meaningful.
...
not that I don't think so or know that... but...
I guess... I guess the thing here is that when it came to relate to my friends that got married later... now even... i felt like... like I wasn't quite there...
huh....
I'm not sure this is making sense...

I find myself a little scared of the big change coming up... 'cause I know it is a big change... I know that it makes everything more... binding.

My marriage to John was very real...despite the fact that I also believe that we were just 2 kids playing house and having a ...sort of fun time doing so... until I realized that that was not all I wanted...

*rubs hand on forehead*

My marriage to John was very sweet and very heartbreaking... and I'm not sure that I'm ever going to get anyone to understand that. I also know that i don't have to. It was what it was... and I know it...

Still... still... the part that leaves me reeling now is that ... no matter who you are, how much goes right or wrong, marriage binds the 2 of you together in no way that you would ever guess possible... even the wrong 2 people... That's why divorce is so hard... you have to sever a part of yourself now... and you didn't even notice that you had melded...

I know, I know...how negative of me...
but it's the truth...and it's why I was perfectly happy not getting married again...

and then...

...

and then seeing all my friends get married... to the right person, i realized also that perhaps that could go another way... and maybe it can make one whole... instead of cutting one in two...

and it seems like such a nice thing...a good thing... with the right person...

but I still remember the sting... I still remember the cutting out of that part of my heart... even though it had grown to be more like a tumor that was killing me... I still had to do it...and I still had to cut that part of my heart it was attached to.

*sigh* not that John was bad... he just wasn't right for me... wasn't right for what we put ourselves in.

I learned a lot from that first marriage... and I even like to joke about... made reference to Da5id as my second husband.... 'cause you have to find the humor in it.
At the same time...a bit appalled that when I chose to marry... it wasn't forever... I'm actually a forever kind of girl... but also, I know when something is not right for me and I'm not going to keep hurting myself for ideals...

"you have not betrayed your ideals/ your ideals betrayed you"

I know... I know that Da5id is different... I know that what I found here is different... that he is my forever... but...

but...
don't think that if it ever becomes unhealthy... if something goes terribly wrong, for, even forevers can go wrong... we all have choices to make and nothing is set in stone... don't think that I couldn't leave.
i will tear another hole in my heart before I let the cancer engulf it.

I know this about myself... and that part.... even if VERY unlikely and is only being brought up due to past... hurts... not to mention my penchant for pessimism ... that part scares me...'cause it hurts like hell... and this time... it'll be harder to recover...

...
*sigh*

weird thoughts for a blushing bride to be having...
I blame it on the weekend without meds... not my fault...i didn't know i ran out of refills and my doctor was unreachable... I even came home early 'cause I started wigging out. I hid in bed 'til the pharmacy called me to let me know that the meds were good to go....
and now...
I recover

I... am freaking out...

I don't know how this is going to happen and if it's gonna be what i want it to be.

Da5id's not doing much better....he thinks he's having anxiety attacks...
not to mention that his job sucks and he hasn't been able to find another one

oi vay!

Did you know... that Da5id and I have been in therapy for about a year now?
Not for anything bad, really... i had first gotten the idea from a queer eye for the straight guy episode.
One of the guys said that it was smart to see a couples therapist once one gets engaged because...all those little problems that one has now... can become huge problems that may threaten a marriage. It's not because there's anything wrong with the 2 of you, it's just that you want to make sure you have the tools in place to use for the next big step.... for marriage.
So Da5id and i go... from time to time on a Saturday morning...
and I must admit...it's done wonders... the little things that used to irk us about the other... the not knowing what he means...or second guessing...the wanting him to understand... that's all something that we can say we're truly working on... and have made progress on. Leaps and bounds really.

So... yeah...
it's the best advice I've been given... and I wanted to pass it on to you.

* Editor's note: this does not mean that there were no problems that didn't need major attention or that there weren't a few things that didn't get us almost broken up... i'm just saying that it's good advice, whether there are Major problems or not.

It's been a long time since I've been on here.
Hello everyone.

I've been in self-imposed exile... mainly because I needed to just...step back and gain some perspective... not to mention just to take a break.

So....things are still proceeding wedding wise... had my second fitting last Thursday...will have the final one on the 20th. We ordered the invitations this week...
Gosh... What else is there to do?? I'm sure there's a lot more but i just can't think of it right now.

Why is this all going so fast?!

ok...off to work

the dress is in,
the first fitting has been done
and ...
is it normal to be a little nervous about whether or not it's the right dress????


If you would like to see the embarrassingly bad pictures, let me know and I'll email them

*bites nails *

The Bride

So, let’s get something straight.

Da5id, who claims to be not very talented and not a writer, has been working on his speech AND vows for our wedding. How long he’s been at it, I don’t know. It came up in conversation almost like it was a given. I’m not sure if he actually said this but I could hear a, “Well, aren’t you?”

I’m the one that claims to be the writer. I’m the one that writes long emails and has 2 blogs and no readers, I’ve countless stories and projects that I’ve started but just can’t seem to finish…and if I have finished them, they’ve never (save one) been submitted. I am the epitome of a writer.

Da5id, on the other hand, dabbles, and writes wonderful eloquent prose that makes me wonder… why isn’t he the one who’s trying to submit something? (although I’m secretly glad he doesn’t because then he would surely be the one that has something published causing quite a problem in my little head)

This, however, is not my point.

My point is that the non-writer is the one who is already working on his speech and his vows. I, on the other hand, am scared of what I should write. Scared of what, you might ask? Should I make it heartfelt, funny, poignant, all of the above? What if this doesn’t come off? What if, instead of heartfelt, I get cheesy? What if funny seems like it’s trying too hard?

What really concerns me is this:
Why should the writer be scared to write?!

AH-ha! That is, of course, the very heart of the writer and therefore, she must be a writer.
Truly, my argument is quite dizzying.

Ibsen said, “To write is to sit in judgement of one’s self.”

Now apply that to a speech one is giving at one’s wedding or one’s wedding vows. Rather nerve-wracking if you ask me.

I don’t know what to write! When ever I think of people writing their own vows, I think utterly cheesy. I can’t even begin to think of WHERE I’m going to go with them.

Recently I went to Merliee and Gabriel’s wedding and they wrote their own vows, but they used the structures of the standard vows and made it their own. It worked so well, I asked Da5id if he wanted to do the same, but I think he thinks it’s cheating. What’s wrong with using our own words? Who could come up with something better for us than us?

Oddly, this emotional girl, this writer, is more than happy with going with the words than many have said before us. Not very personal, I know, nor is it something organic – coming from us. Still, sometimes it scares me to share all these things, even when worded in the same old words so often used. It embarrases me to show so much. Isn’t that weird?! ME…embarrased to show emotion. I guess it’s just such a … big moment… such a bonding moment, that it’s almost like someone taking a look at… well I was going to say journal, but it IS public isn’t it? It’s not like I really hide everything… including my fears.

So then, why this?

*thinks* well... I guess it would be like someone watching us have sex...it's that intimate!

ugh!

why? you might ask...

because I have a boy named Da5id

he wrote this which I just happened upon

http://www.mywedding.com/ceciandda5id/custom3.html

ok... i'm going to go get a tissue now

SO
I've returned to the land of the living after being away for Merilee's and Gabe's wedding in South Dakota

AWWWWWW!!!!

I had a FABULOUS time with everyone...a definite joining of not just these 2, but of their friends and family ...and I think we all loved each other... well, mostly ;)

AFTER THAT
came the release of the new(and last) Harry Potter book on Friday, July 20th at midnight (so technically, July 21st...) ....and I've spoken to very few since...
Also, I have work...which is what kept me from going to celebrate Linda's birthday on Saturday (happy birthday Linda!)

but it's what's only allowed me to get 4 hours of sleep IF I'M LUCKY for the past couple of nights....

Last night I had dreams of Snape and R.A.B.

so now... the spell is broken, I've finished the book ...and I feel exhausted!

*gives a weak smile*

So...
I'm an idiot...

I think that my body/face has decided it's going through a new puberty/ shedding to change. It's been getting weird rashes, bumps, and pimples; it's more sensitive than usual and it's driving me nuts!!!
I feel like I'm 15 again.

One of the things that it's doing is making my eyelids très sensitive and dry. They were peeling a few weeks back... just out of dryness ...despite what I used on them. After a little bit it got better... didn't feel bad... or as bad... so I kinda forgot...

Sunday...Jill's wedding. I figured I should get the waxing done...
...
can you see where this is going?
...
So I asked for the usual...which is everything: bikini, legs, underarms, upper lip and... yes, eyebrows.

Well... the eyebrows were a BAD idea. HORRID idea.
I dunno if it was the wax that burnt them...or that it tore a layer off... but now....now everyone thinks that I have makeup on... a red line underlining my eyebrows...just... so.

It looks like this:

See this thing???


NO! not the cleavage!

That GAP right there????... kinda looks like I'm sneering doesn't it??
huh...

So the other day at the dentist's office, she (the dentist) said something to me about it (the gap) ... mind you, I've asked about this before of my past dentists and they'd always said the same thing... that it's no big deal...that I should just leave it...

now...now I'm asked if I want to do something about it.
why?! should i??? is it bad?? is that why you're asking????

So it made me think of something Sarah told me. She told me that once she was telling Sam (her ex) a story about me and she said, "Oh the one with the missing tooth?"
Sarah said, "She doesn't have a tooth missing!"

....

Does it REALLY look that bad???

and THEN!

Wait 'til I tell you the story about another beauty mishap! Oh, just you wait! Well you can kinda see it in the picture...but you have to know it's there...and you really can't get the full devastation of it unless it's a sans makeup picture...and I give you a good shot of it...

I'd do it now but it requires taking a picture... downloading it...uploading it...writing a post about it...and I'm supposed to be sleeping!!! It's the middle of the night and I have to work at 6am!!!
HELLO!??!

ok.... really... that is another story and shall be told another time...

I present...

Jill and Dan's wedding

so...When does one announce one's registry?
When one is all done with it? Or...say...now, although Da5id and I are still getting things on there.
I mean...sure... you guys know, but what about everyone else?

Advice here guys... please

Lovingly yours,

The Bride

...
it's Sofa King HOT!

...

has to be about 90...
*checks weather*
ok so it's about 85 degrees with 51% humidity... but that's pretty bad!

There's a special warning on MSN that reads:
" TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SHADE AND AIR CONDITIONING IF AVAILABLE. NEVER...EVER LEAVE CHILDREN...THE ELDERLY OR PETS IN ENCLOSED AUTOMOBILES...EVEN FOR THE SHORTEST TIME. TEMPERATURES QUICKLY RISE TO LIFE-THREATENING LEVELS...EVEN IF THE WINDOWS ARE PARTIALLY OPENED."

It's a good thing we have all these windows! If not...I might die in here without air conditioning!

*grumbles* take advantage of air conditioning... sheesh

someone move me out of this state and into a cooler one!

honestly, Jill... I dunno how you're doing it

Ok...
so Da5id and I are having fun "registering" for stuff ... and we decided Amazon.com was the place to go to register for some very "ceci and da5id" stuff

So i asked the boyo, "Do you think we can register for a Playstation3?!?!?!"
He: " I don't think we can do that"
Me: "Well Albert at the store said he'd get it for me."
He: "Then Albert can get it for us...but I don't think we can put that on there"
Me: "well, if you think about it, if everyone from the store put in $10....that would definitely do it!"
He:" You do that..."

....and i DO think I will
but ... really... what is ok to put on one's registry??? What if you put it on it much like I might put "I want a trust fund" on my wish list????

just curious....
but yeah....notice how the games out number... everything???

Let's see...
There are about 195 days until the wedding...
that's less than 6 months...
and that's....scary.

This... is an insight into the mind of the girl who never thought she'd be a bride, never wanted to be a bride...and sometimes (despite spending eternity with her boyo) sometimes doesn't want to be a bride.

This may be messy.