Friday, February 3, 2023

Dear Dead Husband - 

It's your birthday! So I'll be headed to Pivot and Mirror Twin with the usual suspects, just like we used to. 

If you were one to worry about such things, I'd tell you that I won't drink much. But you never cared because, HEY!, you and I were going out to celebrate as best we could. And BOY could we!

Anyway, I can't because I'm broke so I'm very, VERY limited. Yeah, it's your damn father still. The asshole wants his 25% of the WHOLE VALUE of the house ($36,000), not taking into account the fact that, as 25% owner, he's also responsible for 25% of the mortgage and any upkeep. No... he says that, since I'm living here and take advantage of 100% of the property, I should be paying 100% of the expenses. So now I keep going into the negative until the next check comes or I sell something of yours (sorry).

Please go haunt your dad or something. You know... go full Jacob Marley on his ass. Pleaseandthankyou. 

SO! You funny boy, you. This...THIS is so very like you. 

I posted what I feel is an apropos picture of us as a profile pic on FB today and noticed that you had commented on it 6 years ago when I first shared it. 

A year and a half later and you're still throwing punches… so I replied. Let me tell you that I laughed PRETTY loudly when I saw the comment. 


I love you. I miss you. I'm off to go celebrate you and all things that you brought into my life (like, Tracy... she's so awesome). 

Saturday, January 14, 2023

1 year and 179 Days

Dear Dead Husband, 

Well, you did NOT get better, as I had hoped, and I'm here trying to piece it all together, not to mention trying to stop your father from sucking me dry monetarily. Currently, he's in the lead. 

It's a long story. I'll tell you sometime. 

Tonight, I was finally able to change any profile pictures on social media to something that was just me and not us. That's pretty huge for me! I don't know why I couldn't do so before this, but I couldn't. I guess it just helped me remember the good times and not just the end there. 

But I don't want to talk about the end right now. 

I want to tell you about the progress.

Aside from changing the pictures, I've also started tackling the shows we used to watch that I couldn't catch up on because of where we left off. It shouldn't have been that hard, but it was. The books I could do as there were only a couple series... or was it only one?... that we were waiting on, and it was a solitary pursuit that we only touched on when we were both done. 


Speaking of books, I'm reminded of the first night I spent in this house on the day you died. You had a book open to where you left off before you passed, your glasses laid down beside it on the coffee table. I had to ask Tracy to take it away while I went outside to smoke. It was too real, too soon after... a reminder of how quickly you had been there and then gone. I still cry when I think about that day and seeing the book. It still guts me. 

OK! So... ummmm... enough of that. I came here to tell you about my progress, not to tear open the wound. 

I love you. I miss you. But I do understand, and maybe we already knew how this would end. 

Love you. Truly, deeply, madly.