Thursday, August 2, 2007

So, let’s get something straight.

Da5id, who claims to be not very talented and not a writer, has been working on his speech AND vows for our wedding. How long he’s been at it, I don’t know. It came up in conversation almost like it was a given. I’m not sure if he actually said this but I could hear a, “Well, aren’t you?”

I’m the one that claims to be the writer. I’m the one that writes long emails and has 2 blogs and no readers, I’ve countless stories and projects that I’ve started but just can’t seem to finish…and if I have finished them, they’ve never (save one) been submitted. I am the epitome of a writer.

Da5id, on the other hand, dabbles, and writes wonderful eloquent prose that makes me wonder… why isn’t he the one who’s trying to submit something? (although I’m secretly glad he doesn’t because then he would surely be the one that has something published causing quite a problem in my little head)

This, however, is not my point.

My point is that the non-writer is the one who is already working on his speech and his vows. I, on the other hand, am scared of what I should write. Scared of what, you might ask? Should I make it heartfelt, funny, poignant, all of the above? What if this doesn’t come off? What if, instead of heartfelt, I get cheesy? What if funny seems like it’s trying too hard?

What really concerns me is this:
Why should the writer be scared to write?!

AH-ha! That is, of course, the very heart of the writer and therefore, she must be a writer.
Truly, my argument is quite dizzying.

Ibsen said, “To write is to sit in judgement of one’s self.”

Now apply that to a speech one is giving at one’s wedding or one’s wedding vows. Rather nerve-wracking if you ask me.

I don’t know what to write! When ever I think of people writing their own vows, I think utterly cheesy. I can’t even begin to think of WHERE I’m going to go with them.

Recently I went to Merliee and Gabriel’s wedding and they wrote their own vows, but they used the structures of the standard vows and made it their own. It worked so well, I asked Da5id if he wanted to do the same, but I think he thinks it’s cheating. What’s wrong with using our own words? Who could come up with something better for us than us?

Oddly, this emotional girl, this writer, is more than happy with going with the words than many have said before us. Not very personal, I know, nor is it something organic – coming from us. Still, sometimes it scares me to share all these things, even when worded in the same old words so often used. It embarrases me to show so much. Isn’t that weird?! ME…embarrased to show emotion. I guess it’s just such a … big moment… such a bonding moment, that it’s almost like someone taking a look at… well I was going to say journal, but it IS public isn’t it? It’s not like I really hide everything… including my fears.

So then, why this?

*thinks* well... I guess it would be like someone watching us have's that intimate!



pocket_heather said...

When I was in elementary school I used to read my diary at slumber parties.

Go Fig!

Does this mean that I need to start doing performance art???