Monday, May 5, 2008

I've been paying more attention to my music these days because it does make me happy. That is to say, I always forget that music is my lexapro... or paxil... or welbutrin... or whatever you're on. (personally, I'm digging the welbutrin... doesn't make me blissed-out like the paxil and it doesn't keep me caged in like the lexapro.) It helps boost my happy, it helps me create, it keeps me sane... "it's like breathing... like a heartbeat."

So I turned my livejournal into a place where I post the music I'm enthralled by at this moment... to share with my friends... and people who might happen to pop in. There's a link at the bottom of this here blog to it if you want to check it out. Also, I'm highly loving the Big Sonic Heaven on Indie 103 (yeah yeah yeah... I love 'em... what can I say. They give me hope for radio again) from 10pm to midnight Monday - Thursday. No, they aren't paying me... I'm just passing along the love.

Sorry... I'm on a serious music kick which is why I cannot stop talking about it... it's like... rediscovering myself.
Yeah...

Ok so since the beginning of this whole fiasco, I've been in transition(for the fiasco story, you're just gonna have to wait... I think I can say that I'm clearing up some legal issues. Yeah...other than that I can't talk about it now). I've now been at my parents' house for about...3 weeks? 4 at the most. Have I unpacked??

No.

I think it's my refusal to believe that this is even semi-permanent. However, the mess in the room and having to keep digging through a North Face bag proves to be a hair-pulling experience. I've become their upstairs tenant... I'm like Monroe in Too Close for Comfort (or was he downstairs?), or their new roommate if you will.

I should really unpack, shouldn't I?

So here are the thoughts on unpacking....

Isn't it funny how one becomes superstitious about the littlest thing?? Like, not only am I not supposed to talk about "the fiasco," but I'm afraid that if I do... I'll jinx it... like... something even worse will happen... or worst of all, it will ensure that the worst outcome will occur.

...

...and that's really all I'm going to say on that. *nudges it away with a ten foot pole* Don't know what'll happen with the little I've just said...

Back to the unpacking bit...

This puts me of 2 minds as to whether or not I should unpack. First of all, if I unpack, it might make things go slower because I've set my stuff in a more permanent place.
OR...

or... maybe once I unpack, the exact opposite will happen and this will mean that I'll be on my way sooner.

I'm weird about superstitions... and some of them I make up as I go. I cannot seem to persuade myself that if I had done B rather than A, an opposite reaction would have occurred (a reaction independent of what I do). For example, if I hadn't looked out for the car, the car would be here by now. Makes no sense, right? I mean, we all know that what I do cannot effect a car that I'm awaiting to arrive. Yet I cannot seem to get that through my head...

you know, the surest sign of insanity... never mind.

So every day I govern myself by these superstitious rules that I just made up and hope that I chose properly. In fact, the things that I've chosen that have resulted in bad news coming my way... I don't do again. I know I know... whether I wear a certain shirt a certain way or not doesn't have anything to do with bad or good news.
...
but just in case!

err... now to figure out how drastically my life would change if I unpacked... or not.

2 comments:

Liz said...

HAHAHA - The idea of you as Monroe is cracking me up .... and I needed that today. I am the opposite when it comes to unpacking - even if I am only staying one night, I unpack everything. I can't relax otherwise. Odd birds, we.

Ceci said...

I know, right!? hahahaaha! He's so much more effeminate than I will ever be!
I'm glad I could make you laugh... :)

Yeah, the unpacking is getting to me... and usually I would... it's just those damn little... "what if..."s that get me on this one. Besides, I don't want to think of this one as being any sorter of long term stay... although it's looking like one.