Sunday, May 4, 2008

I was only dreaming

I can dream can't I?

I sing myself to sleep thinking... dreaming... that the world is listening to me. I imagine them lying down and thinking about their day, their decisions and hopefully trying to find peace in it all. I sing and imagine that everything is resting... getting ready for rest... and calming themselves. I think about all that's going on out there and I envision it stopping...

People reflect on their actions, put down their tools, sit for a while and take it all in - all things that I like to imagine people are doing as I try to do this myself.

It's hot here in California and my parents have the air conditioning going. I've a fan hitting me directly because I'm upstairs and, since heat rises, it's always hot up here. I find a peacefulness at 1 in the morning... with the fan... with the dark save for the light coming from Eddie the Shipboard computer (that's my macbook's name)... and a candle, always a candle.

Aside from the singing, I find it peaceful here because I imagine myself putting my thoughts to rest. It's true, I think too much and that's generally why one can find me up to the wee hours of the morning, writing and listening to music. It's my way of calming my fears, of making good out of all the bad things from the day.

It's funny because it used to be the day that would bring me relief from the terrors I saw in the night. Now, now the day is only a time when I try best to live using what I've learned at night... knowing that I'll always be able to take comfort once the night comes around again.

I imagine myself putting my thoughts to rest, and explaining away my worries... or just accepting them. I think that it's a time when I can recoup and be the most me.

I like the idea that everyone is doing this with me... that people are given a time when they think about their actions and hope that, with tomorrow, a new chance to make a different choice will come.