Saturday, May 31, 2008

Girl, Interrupted

This one is dedicated to all the people out there who are going through the shittiest time in their lives...
...
and who would never change it for the world...

"so what do you think about me?
I couldn't live without me...
and everyone around me
is driving me mad
so here I go along this road
feeling I don't want to slow...
I run so hard, I lose my breath
one thing I don't want to know...
now...."
What do you think?
~the sundays~

"when people say 'you're dead!'
you know you've caught their eye
and on any other day
I'd be soul destroyed
but that's just not the way now
I don't mind telling you
nothing is quite what it seems..."
Blood on my hands
the sundays

I'm in a lyric mood tonight... as I usually am when I feel so very ...me
I do feel like anyone that's going through a shit time, though, will understand those lyrics and think I'm posting them just for YOU....

'cause I am

So I didn't post this week despite the fact that I've got a good 3 or 4 posts in me because... well, life happened.

As you know, my little fiasco has been here, and it's been wreaking havoc this week. I got in a huge fight with the mum that almost caused the post of "Why Ceci unpacked only to repack... news at 11" to be posted. This was very quickly to be followed by "FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!"

There's so much that I want to say and so much that I'm not... sure... I can say.

In short... the fiasco is over. The press release on this *or the blog release, rather* is that the DA decided not to try the case which means that... it's somehow all over and the life that was interrupted is now free to go on. I'm so freakin' THRILLED I can't even begin to believe it. First of all because it's the second miracle that's ever happened to me *I think I may have posted about the first WAY back in The Bride days... but I'm not sure... so ask for clarification* and second of all... well... I mean... I totally expected a knock down fight to come out of this. I didn't think that this would go away without a fight... and a lot of money in legal fees. Perhaps I should shut my big mouth as I don't have all the particulars from my lawyer... but she did tell me that much.

This girl, interrupted, is free to proceed.

Which brings me to all SORTS of thoughts... and those are...

There are those nights... say, like tonight, when things can't be better after ALLLL sorts of fucked up... when I'm singing at the top of my lungs whilst driving home and thinking, "I would not have traded any of this for the world... even the really dark and icky parts." This... is my life. I do so love everything about it... even the bad.

This also reminded me of people I know and have talked to who are going through tough times of their own recently. I know that I've always given the advice that's harder to stick to... the tougher and nastier.. almost, wallow in it and let it sink in sort of advice. I stick by that.

Tonight I spent the night with some friends of mine who seemed to express that they were going through some trying times too. Some, merely in the, "what do I do now?" category... which is tough enough. 4 people... not just a couple. I can also off the top of my head think of a few more that are fighting demons and wondering what the hell they are doing right now. I can picture one in particular who might wonder, "What the hell have I done?"
...
well, I think everyone says that from time to time... and a few are saying it now. Well, at least a few people I know.

Of course, I'm the miracle girl, so I'm sure one can think that I have the luxury of saying this from my vantage point.

UGH!... I over think this!

Look... it's simple. Life is full of horrible things and beautiful things... and for every time that I can say, "I love this!" I can also count an equal number of times that I can say, "Good God! What will happen? What have I done? What is happening?" in any number of variations of that.
...
Due to this, I feel that I can say ... still standing by what I've always said... I wouldn't trade it for the world.

My advice stays the same... I still think that you... yes YOU should do exactly what you know is right... even though it goes against everything anyone's ever told you. Trust yourself... I think you know, despite the gut wrenching feeling, what it is that you need. Sometimes... that's harder because... because for some reason, doing what's right by one's self can be the toughest since it's so selfish! However, how else are you going to be happy???

I'd do it all over again, I would. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Balls-y?

Maybe.

Still... I stand here and say...

Bring it!

"Nobody said it would be fair
they warned you before you went out there
there's always a chance to get restarted
to a new world, new life,
scarred but smarter..."

Scarred but Smarter
~Drivin' and Cryin' ~

2 comments:

Liz said...

i heart you.

Ceci said...

:)
and i less than 3 you too