Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The "OH-SO-Random!" post

I think I'm going to make myself the star of my own show... and I'm going to promote the HELL out of me.... it...
...
same thing.

this girl is feeling silly...

Today my eyes hurt... I don't know WHY... it might be the sweat that ran into them during spin class + contact lenses (now off). 'Spossible. Also, with the combo of the stinging eyes and wearing my glasses... I've got this horrid little headache going on at the back of my head. Owie!

So for the first ever I washed my brushes today. What's this, you ask? You know! You're supposed to clean your make-up brushes. The MAC girl said to use some shampoo. That seemed simple enough.
...
I've questions...
How long do I wash them for??? Lather, Rinse, Repeat? Do I need to blow-dry them? Would a diffuser help? What's it for anyway!? Will they go back to their nice and normal brush-like selves after or will they get all clumpy??

Seriously! I have not a clue... and it seems like... I should have left well enough alone!

Did I ever mention that I'm not very good at a)being a girl and b) being an adult???

So yesterday was my last session with my trainer at the gym... and I don't feel any different
:(
I know, I know...
first of all it was only 5 sessions... second of all, I've only been going to the gym like a maniac for 2 months straight. I mean REALLY going... mainly because I was trying to stay sane here and it helps the depression.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're too critical of yourself??? I do. I'm not fat... but I'm not small either. The weird thing is that I think that I'm bigger than I look. That's not what bothers me so much, though. What bothers me is that I don't like the way I look naked and I don't usually feel good in my own skin. This, in my opinion, is a problem.

Here's the thing: I know that most people aren't comfortable in their own skin and/ or don't like the way they look/ think they look fat. Still!!
Still... I'm not content with this. I mean... I'm not saying that I think I should look like Kate Winslet... whom I think at least looks normal when it comes to starletts... and GOD knows that Selma Hayek is probably a freak of nature (who looks like that!? and at her size!?) Still.

The way I gauge it is if I feel right in my skin. I think ... I think it's been since October/ November ('07) that I felt that way. Then again... I do SO love the fall... so maybe it also had to do with stuff going on around me.

I guess I just want to know: how many people really usually feel right in their skin?? I wanna know! 'Cause ... if this is just something I have to get over... then I need to get on that... which is generally what I think it is.

So I'm thinking a lot about relationships and the like. I've been working on my little story "This is not a Love Song" which has to do with falling in love under... undesirable circumstances... and miracles. I'm trying to tell the story of the other side... the side that leaves... that falls for someone else... because ... because I feel like the people who leave... who try to find happiness elsewhere, deserve better!

Why is it that when we're selfish... when we know what's good for us and what we want it's considered a bad thing??

Take for example my last marriage: I was not happy in it and he wasn't paying me the attention I deserved. He apologized too late... and I realized I needed and wanted more.... and I was the bad guy! How does that happen??? I mean... what happened to his part of the vows? If he stops being considerate of me, stops being interested in me, isn't HE the bad guy then?? I mean, why are these things things that people can let slide, but if I start seeing someone else, if after trying to beat life into my marriage and failing, I give up, why is this so much worse?? I've always felt like the bad guy...but..!!! but... I know the truth... and that is... that I respect myself more than that and I will bring anyone down that stands between me and my happiness! Just as I expect the same to be done to me if I start slacking on my part. Sure, I might not realize it at the time... but I will at some point... and I'll accept it. Or at least... I have.

It's not easy to stand for what one thinks is right, even in small ways in one's own life. There's so much that people think I do backwards in general that I do because it's what I can live with, it's what's true for me and to me. True, I could make life easier...

I never do things easily, it's true... but that has made all the difference.

...and who wants easy?! BO-ring!

I know... all this is random... but I just thought I'd say... you know *shrugs* why not??
Just saying...

...oh and... I could KISS Darren Revell for playing Plainsong by the Cure on Big Sonic Heaven tonight...
*swoons*

6 comments:

liz said...

Brushes - I wash them with shampoo and condition, rinse and air-dry on a clean towel.

Everything else....we need to do drinks. :)

Da5id said...

We're never correct but we're always right (that's my new expression anyway)

Bee said...

I don't think I have ever been comfortable in my skin. Each year that goes by, I look at pictures of myself from the year before and think "WoW! I didn't look too bad! I wish I looked like that now!"

I wash my brushes every once in a while and never thought to do it with shampoo... interesting! ;o)

liz said...

I am adopting da5id's new motto as my mantra.

Oh - and I think the body thing is a mental thing. The times I have felt most comfortable in my body have been the times when I was most out of my head. Does that make sense?

Jill said...

Wash with soap and water till the water runs clear. Then, reform the brushes with your fingers and let them air dry over night. I should do it much more often then I actually do...

Ceci said...

thanks guys for the body response... it seems that I AM just gonna have to get to thinking... I'm pretty good!

and thanks to all for the brush washing instructions...

oy to the vay but being a girl is difficult!