Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'd like to thank M for this pic. It's perfect.

SO!

Things are interesting, kids. Quite.

Today is Therapy Tuesday and, although it was good and I got some stuff out of it, I'm still out of sorts. I don't feel like I got much out of it in the "calm down" department. Basically I just feel like working out my frustration and anger.

So there's a part of me that I'm PRETTY sure I've talked about on here before but I couldn't find the post to link to. It may be that I just missed it due to trying to scroll through so fast.

I call this part of me "The Creature."

Why?

It's hard to explain. She's The Creature because she used to come out in manic times and she's also stuff that I try to repress or hide. The odd part? The stuff I repress is not necessarily the bad stuff.

I want to meld her back into me and I want to get rid of the parts that hold me back and try to repress the things I am, the things that repress The Creature.

The truth is that I think I'm brilliant. People say you're supposed to think that to a degree but you never really say it and you generally have a big whopping hunk of guilt or something to keep you grounded. Well, I'm trying to shed that 'cause, really, that's just bullshit.

I think I'm... oddly beautiful. I don't think that everyone gets it and it's not for everyone to get. I don't want some douche, I want someone who can see this girl for who she is, see The Creature. I don't wear makeup often, my sense of style is my own and I'm no Dita Von Teese but I like my figure, my skin and my face. Really as long as I feel right in my skin, I think I'm doing pretty well. The Creature knows this and I think it shows.

I'm hypersexual and I need to acknowledge it. I've been told this is mostly (half??) due to the bipolar. Well, whatever the reason, it's there. I need to accept it and stop trying to repress it. Sex is perfectly healthy... and fun! I don't see why I should feel bad for wanting what I want. This is definitely a Creature thing. She does it, she accepts it, she takes what she can when she wants it. She's learned to calm it down, so she's not that much of a predator these days which is good.

Lastly, of the important things anyway, The Creature... I... know who I am, what I have and that I can do what ever I set my mind to if I just do. I'm one of the best people you'll ever meet. I will say one of because I've met other people I think I'm lucky to know. My friends are lucky to have me... and I know that I'm lucky to have them. The ones that know me, the ones that get me... they're the ones I gain my strength from.

This is me... I'm acknowledging that. I don't make the smartest decisions at times and not everyone agrees with me and my ways, but it's me. So I'm going to stop apologizing for it and start being proud of this kick ass woman that I am.

... and yes, I finally called myself a woman.

World without end.

Amen

2 comments:

Da5id said...

Welcome to the internal revolution. Or is it a revelation (sp)

Ceci said...

I think it's both.
It's gonna be hard to get out of my head space though and go with the LA Story quote of "Let your mind go and your body will follow."

I'm TRYING!