Reconciling Saints

What I liked about Prague was that, at night (and certain times during the day or parts of the city during the day), it was like being in a fairy tale. The town is old and beautiful... that is, until you get to the main area where all the freakin' tourists are!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being hoity-toity here, it's just that the tourists are rude and drunk, no matter what nationality! I found it to be a lot like the Las Vegas strip... or the red light district in Amsterdam. Unlike Vegas, these areas mare the beauty of the city, although I'm not sure what it does for their economy. Probably good things, but it might be bad. *shakes head* Sad!

Anyway, here are some highlights in picture form:









So I'm doing better with the diagnosis. Thank you to everyone who wrote me/talked to me about it. I sorter feel... weak for letting it get to me. There's a big part of me that knows what it is and accepted it even before the diagnosis. However, there's a smaller part that was scared of the new information as I never knew quite how many symptoms I had/ how much I thought was just me that was really part of the disorder.

I think that's what freaked me out the most because I couldn't get it to figure out correctly in my head. So this is me, but it's also symptoms... which is what makes me... but it's also being caused by something else... but still me.

See???

I know I'm in there somewhere, it's just figuring out where exactly. I don't want to lose any of the good parts and I'm not exactly sure I want back on the meds. I know that they were necessary when I took them, but I don't believe I'm at that point yet. I think if it impairs my life, my relationships, leaving my house, etc. then I'll know it's time, just like last time. This time, well, this time it's about balancing it out and fighting the episodes. I think I'll talk to my therapist tomorrow about trying non-med methods first, and promise that I'll keep close watch to see if I'll have to try medication.

I do like the lows in that they remind me that I'm alive, that I can feel. Still, I know that when they start becoming a neurosis, start interfering with day to day, etc., it's better to sacrifice that than to build a wall around myself in a fortress that might be my apt. or my room. Not letting anyone in is not letting anyone in, and physically it manifests itself and becomes a real life thing. When that happens, I will know that I'm too scared to live life... and that's not really living, is it?

Thanks to Sir William for talking to me about his friend and what he knew of her experience. It gave me hope. I especially liked his analogy - likening us to an Italian sports car: a beautiful, high-performance vehicle... that needs a lot of time in the shop.

I can be a sports car... I just have to make sure I go in for regular maintenance. Well... and some not so regular maintenance.