Thursday, September 11, 2008


*the author would like to note that she has been trying to post this since last week but was having issues with the images... and therefore it's only up NOW! Better late than never, right?
_c_ (9-16-08)

So these are pics from my first marriage. We were apparently married by Yoda.

I still giggle when I see them. We were cute... and it really felt like the right thing to do. Alas, this did not turn out the way I intended it to (I know, Stephen, I know! But I can at least admit when I'm wrong! We do play for keeps, but I was wrong)

After that I swore I would never get married again... mainly 'cause I didn't want to be wrong again. It (the divorce, the separation) was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. I figured if it could bond you so tightly to the wrong person, it was too much of a chance to take again.

So when I married the boyo back in January, I was happy, surprised ...and shocked that I had been wrong again in thinking that never again would I tie myself so closely to someone.

I like to think of it as choosing to try with someone again, someone that for now... and that I think that for a while... I'll want to be with.

I'm happy to see when my friends help prove me wrong... well, with my initial thought about how I'm never doing that again. It's also nice to know that I can tell people that one doesn't always get it right the first time. Scary, right? Still, it's one of those things that... it's ok if you get it wrong. Isn't that life, anyway? A series of things that help us learn and grow and... evolve??

Partnership with someone is hard, whether it's simply boyfriend or girlfriend status, married, living together, or domestic partnership. We choose everyday who we are, what we want to become and how we choose to express that. There's no permanace in life, just as there's no permance in relationships, truly. Sure, sometimes you find someone that you would like to be able to see the rest of forever with, but it doesn't always stay that way.

Cedric and M, thank you for reminding me of the gifts we have in our lives, and that we all have the ability to choose that which makes us happy, that which makes us whole... no matter what and no matter how much we change.


Unknown said...

And then...

C&M's wedding weekend reminded me of something... I love beer (all beers), i love having friends even if i only seem mildly amused at the actual having them part, I hate spiders, and I love my girl... she's my kind of crazy.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad we could pry you away from your past.

A friend calls a lot of those rules we make 'mental security'. We get attached to an idea and will fight to keep it, even it no longer suits us. The ego hates to be wrong. Admitting you're wrong, have been wrong, or are wrong allows you to step out of that incessant stubbornness.

Ceci Virtue said...

@Da5id: Oh good! I like being your kind of crazy... you put up with drunken stumblings, getting lost on the beach, and sippy cups full of wine! That, boyo, is true love... kinda makes you cry doesn't it?

@Coidric: It's something that I know when things are ok... and sometimes even when things are not. Generally, though, it's harder to remember then. However, I do try to remember it as often as I can. I figure if I try that, maybe I can remember it a little easier when I have to. Truly... thank you :)