Reconciling Saints

I'd like to thank all those that are worried about my sanity. It really is very sweet and I'm not saying this in a sarcastic way. What I wish you'd do to better understand it, however, is talk to me. If you're worried... call me and find out what's going on. 

The only thing that's causing the crazy to go off right now is being misunderstood (in my opinion) and losing people I love when not given a chance to explain AND SO therefore misunderstood.

Sincerely, thank you. However, it would help you and me if you'd just talk to me about it. I don't understand diagnosing the patient without seeing or talking to the patient.

Also, anyone who is concerned about my meds and the taking of MDMA, here's a little study:

'Reduction of Effects

SSRIs tend to cause reduced physiological and mental effects when taken before MDMA. A study for which there was a poster at the College on Problems of Drug Dependence in June of 2002, administered 20mg Paroxetine (Paxil, a common dosage) orally to subjects for 3 days before administering MDMA. Subjects had reduced experiential and physiological responses to the MDMA. See http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=1388.

An important study by Liechti et al., concerning the effects of SSRI pretreatment on subjective MDMA effects in humans, administered Citalopram (an SSRI) at 40mg by IV and found that the Citalopram reduced physiological and emotional responses:

"The main result of this study is that the psychoactive effects of 1.5 mg/kg MDMA were substantially attenuated by pretreatment with the SSRI citalopram (40 mg iv). Citalopram inhibited most of the psychological effects of MDMA. MDMA-induced increases in positive mood, derealization and depersonalization phenomena, thought disorder, and the loss of thought and body control were all attenuated by citalopram pretreatment. MDMA-evoked intensification of sensory perception, changes in the meaning of percepts, and subjectively facilitated imagination were also inhibited by citalopram as compared to MDMA alone. Citalopram alone also lowered scores on some scales compared to placebo. Most of these changes, however, were clearly due to side effects of citalopram such as fatigue, headache, and nausea, which influenced the mood rating. MDMA also produced marked increases in emotional excitability and sensitivity that, however, were not reduced by citalopram."
See http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=392.

"We investigated the effect of citalopram pretreatment (40 mg i.v.) on vegetative and cardiovascular effects of MDMA (1.5 mg/kg p.o.) in a double-blind placebo-controlled study in 16 healthy volunteers. MDMA moderately increased blood pressure and heart rate, slightly elevated body temperature and produced a broad range of acute and shortterm side-effects. Citalopram reduced all these MDMA-induced physiological changes except for body temperature."
See http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=1073. '

http://www.erowid.org/references/refs_view.php?ID=392

The SSRI that I am on is called Celexa. I feel little to nothing when on MDMA. SSRIs are serotonin dumpers which is essentially what MDMA does. So if you're concerned about my serotonin levels, just know they were fucked before and it takes a HELL of a dump to right me. 

This does not mean I should become a regular user, but I would like to assure everyone that I'm not hell bent on destroying myself.