Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Requiem...

Ah...A Softer World... you always seem to get it right

"Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it."
Mary Kay Blakely

Then there's my other favorite:

“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you”
Margaret Atwood

I have 2 friends who... for better or for worse... are getting a divorce.

Strike that... I have more than that, but the other ones are for a lot of good reasons and they have tried and been through their own trials and tribulations.


Then again, maybe I'm too close to the current problem to know that maybe it IS for all the right reasons. The only thing I can say about this one and what went wrong is that there was a communication breakdown. They never learned to communicate and through it solve their problems/ express to each other what was needed. So after about a year+ of this problem, it's all gone to shit.

There are 2 BIG reasons that this one particular parting of ways bothers me:
- They ADORE each other. Never had I heard anyone go on so fully about how happy they never thought they'd be in a marriage and how awed they were by how much they had found in this new life. For him, a reason to live (there are those of us who never thought we'd see 30 or beyond) and for her, a match that compliments her.
- I've been through this almost exact situation with the boyo and not only survived it, but learned lessons about us and myself. Mistakes happen and if it means enough and you're both strong enough, you can survive it.

I've resigned myself to the fact that they have both fucked this up enough that there is a 1% chance that their marriage can survive it. This is one of the heartbreak stories, in my opinion, but I do firmly believe that if they learn their lessons from this ordeal, they can be better and stronger for it as individuals. I don't believe that there's just ONE person for everyone like I used to when I was a kid. I do believe that there are certain people that come into our lives that are worth holding on to. If we can't then it's sad, but like I said, hopefully we can learn that lesson. Down the road we might be able to apply what we've learned from that and be happier for it.

Today, however, I mourn the death of this marriage... which, I must say, is odd for me to do since I do understand that life is change.