Reconciling Saints

Just one more time... I'd like to be myself...

Times like this, I don't feel like I have been. Then again... maybe I'm just holding on to the person that was... the person that keeps trying to be who she was.

Tonight I don't care.

I want to do all the stupid things I used to... and I want to do them for the same reason I've always done them.

Right now, however, I have no one to be my accomplice.

Stephen's drinking away at a bar with friends. It's almost 2am where he is. I called him, but do you know how hard it is to talk to someone when you're at a bar??? Yeah, I wasn't going to make him do that.

Tonight the manic is creeping in perhaps... but I don't blame anyone, I just know that this will happen and that I just have to ride it and go to sleep.

I don't want to go to sleep!

I want to go out... and drink and talk and smoke. I want to do all those things that you're not supposed to because it's too late and you have work tomorrow and it's better to not drink that much and to not be hung over in the morning.

If it wasn't for the fact that there was no one to do this with, I'd be out.

EVERYONE is in early. EV.RY.ONE! ...and yes I know there's an "e" missing in there.

Why isn't anyone up to talk about life, the universe and everything?!

I'd go back to M's but she's probably asleep or falling asleep. The boyo was passed out on the bed when I got home and I don't know anyone else well enough to know if they're up or not.

There's no one to play with! There's no one to go to the bar with... no one's place to hang out at. YES! These are things I sometimes need. YES! I want more.

Is that so hard to understand??? I don't understand it when people can't push past to keep living... manic Ceci does not get that. She's also not getting the night she wants of talking and drinking and possibly smoking. She's even resorted to calling someone who probably doesn't want anything to do with her. Well, I was hoping she'd be up as I don't know anyone else with my sleep habits. Ah well.

This always happens when I hear a good album... I blame James.

Damnit... everyone is sleeping! Y'all suck.

I'm lonely. I'm pissed off. This sucks. I want some fun.