Tuesday, March 16, 2010

So I'm not the girliest of girls. Often times, I can be found with many a bruise and skinned knees. Also, some times (most times?) I choose sleep in lieu of appearance. The bruises, skinned knees, and lack of motivation in my appearance can get to me.

I like that I don't care, but on days like today I think, "Gads! I wouldn't fuck me unless I was my last choice!"

I've been sort of broken for about a little more than a week now. In my clumsiness that causes most of the aforementioned bruises, I fell halfway down our stairs. Owe! Thankfully there was nothing major broken, I was just very badly bruised.

I badly need a shag but I feel QUITE unshaggable.

It's been about 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS! That's a bit more than I'd like. The boyo's been busy and I've not really done much in trying to make things any better, so that leaves me feeling... Meh!

I'm hyper-sexual. How much of it needs to be... released, I'm not sure of. Sometimes I wonder if I should reign it in or even try to. Other times I'm of the opinion that I need to get what I need. Generally, it's a means of communication, of love and of trust - no matter who. I like to feel and sometimes that means more than just emotions or hugs.

Maybe it's touch deprivation in that sense - in the sexual sense.

It's possible.

Whatever it is, I feel a need to connect and to feel wanted, loved and close. There are days when I would love to do nothing more than this. Those days I contemplate any person that passes by. However, I learned my lesson a long time ago that that doesn't give me what I want. It looks good on paper, but when executed it's always a mess!

I had dreams about boys last night. Of flirting and getting to know people. Of preening to show just how much better than anyone else there I was, and owning it. It was nothing hot nor steamy; there was no kissing nor sex. There was just that hint of electricity in the air and the longing for the shock, the closeness, the touches.

The feeling never left.