Saturday, March 20, 2010

© londonsquared 2009

As excited as I am about London, Paris and Annecy, I can't help but think about my trip almost exactly a year ago to... well, about the same places (minus Annecy).

This year I won't miss Stephen in Europe (seriously just missed him last year - he flew in just as I was flying out) and Amander might go.

However, there will be people missing. Well, in some cases they might have been missing anyway.

This year there's no Amandazon (not to be confused with the aforementioned Amander). This year there's no Liz nor Kat.

Here's the thing... even if they were going, I would not be having a fun time with them. I mean, it's not like I would snub anyone, but Stephen and Amandazon are now divorced, Liz hates me and Kat has stopped talking to me.

Sad, yes.

The thing is, despite trying to prevent some of these things (well, obviously not the Stephen/ Amandazon thing... ok, I DID try), it's... just... odd. Odd, how fast things can change. That's life, though. The big moments happen in a blink of an eye - a good intention gone wrong, a blast of uncontainable anger. Forgiving isn't always an option, apparently. I don't quite understand that, however, my therapist said that I just have to understand that some people have things that are unforgivable to them.

So, to friends lost and, although missed, let go, I dedicate this song in honor of good times had last year.

"Oh who put all those cares inside your head
You can't live your life on your deathbed
And it's been such a lovely day
Let's not let it end this way"

Perhaps these things happen because I can't control the crazy well enough. Perhaps I am fucked when it comes to relationships. I dunno, I just know that I'm trying and don't think...I think... that I'm any harm to people.

Maybe I'm wrong; I just don't know.

© londonsquared 2009

"If a prayer today is spoken please offer it for me
when the bridge to heaven is broken and I'm lost on the wild, wild sea... "

~ Sting~

Edited March 22nd, 2010:

Well it seems that the update is that Liz is going.

This is going to be hard... it does hurt to see her, mainly because she's a lost friend and she won't believe me.

Back to the original plan, which really isn't so bad. At least Stephen said he'd be my buffer any day! ;)


Unknown said...

But we do live an odd and interesting life. And in all the changes that happen, they happen for a reason... we all evolve and learn and grow. It's almost always a good thing if sometimes a painful thing.