Reconciling Saints

... is what we decided to call our house.

Seriously, yo.

Last night found us helping to drink away misery with friends. Suffice it to say, a sleep over was necessary. We were all quite... a mess. With all the problems in the house and what with all of us being certifiable, Stephen and I decided the name was apropos.

There was a lot of falling, spills and cigarette dropping.

Now we need to make a sign for it.

MOVING ON!

So I'm supposed to hear from the unemployment office by tomorrow. They told me that they need to have a ruling by the third week of my initial filing. They had to investigate because I had quit so they don't usually give unemployment in those cases unless there was a special circumstance... like, say... relocation. That's me! So we'll see. I really need this as the job search is slow and frustrating. QUITE frustrating.

Stephen's doing ok. Now that the kids are back for university, the shop has had a bit more of a steady influx. So yeah... money is good if I can get money either by getting a job or by getting the unemployment.

Stephen and I, on the other hand, are doing just splendidly in non-money related issues. :D That's a good upside.

I know some of you have already seen this but I thought I'd post it for those who haven't. Thank you, David, for giving me this link!

The Top 50 Music Videos of the 1990s

I've decided to reopen the blog since I'm done with the scattered thoughts of everything that's happened, gone by and changed in the last 3 months or so.

Currently, I'm working more on the writing I had been doing prior to all this. I figured the other stuff gets put in my "Nightmare Book" anyway, so why write all that here? I have a much more accessible way of getting my thoughts out in order to get my shit in order in my head.

So... here we go.

"Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again..."
Tori Amos

While I'm trying to calm down about money and the job search, I'm dreaming. Some of it is thanks to Tracy, kind of along the lines in the way I'm thinking.

I'd love to start doing something that didn't just pay the bills, but that I loved, that allowed me to do any number of things that I love or would love; try out things that I didn't even think of.

If I can get the unemployment from Oregon (touch wood), I would have time to look for the right job that would likely allow me to do something I love and pay a good amount or at least that I like and paid a good amount. In the meantime, I would also have the opportunity to technically get paid to write. I would have free time to work on my writing and see if it can lead to anything. I've always wanted to do this, but how can I when I still need an income? With my inexperience, I cannot get paid to do so, or at least pay enough to make a living with.

I would really love to do more of what it is that I dream of, long for, something that would give me the more I want in my life. I'm not looking for fame, but it would be nice to maintain a living doing that which I love. I sometimes feel like anywhere I move to, any step I take in a different direction, can lead to something more, something that allows me to not just exist, but live.

In my opinion, every move should enable one to get closer or try for what makes life remarkable... or at least push what is remarkable about one's life already.

A girl can dream and this girl does.
A lot.

It's Friday the 13th! Contrary to popular belief, I find it quite lucky and today is so far *touch wood* pretty lovely.

Life's surreal. I like it. It's a little tough, sure, but it's good. HA! (understatement of the YEAR!)
Here I am, living with my boyfriend in Lexington, KY! Not only that but that my boyfriend is Stephen. If you told me this just 4 months ago, I would not have believed you. Ok well I would have smiled at the Stephen part. Heh.

You know what? I like it. It's good. I have no idea what comes next and that's ok by me. Stephen and I are... well, perfect... or at least for each other. Somehow or other, 2 wrongs (or rather, crazies) make a right. We help balance the other out when things kick in. That's only for the mental stuff and our... demeanor, I guess you'd say. Aside from that, we're a lot alike. He's the male me and I'm the female him. Cheesy, right?

Home feels like home. It's Stephen's house that's our house now. We're painting and talking about what we want to do with it. The cats are now... well, partially mine. I've never had cats before.

Honestly, this is all so... odd. Da5id and I went our own ways and we realize that that's the way it is and that it's actually better. We still get on each others nerves as... well, we really have changed that much. I guess it's just another reminder of how the choice we made (some would argue that it's the choice I made) was the right one. It makes me sad and at the same time I just have to realize that we had our run, mostly good in my opinion, and now it's shifted, it's done.

Stephen and I, in the meantime, will see how this goes. Mainly, it's going really well and I'm very happy about that.

As for updates:

Stephen's legal matters are mostly resolved. He just needs an assessment from an approved program which he needs to present to the court in 3 weeks. It's a long story... should have been a simple story, really, but if that CUNT of an ex he has wasn't so hellbent on ruining him, we wouldn't be here. If you don't know the story, well... it's complicated. I think some of you do. THAT was good news! Last night reminded me a lot of the time right before I was... almost doomed to jail. It was tough and there was a lot of prep for whatever may have happened.

Seriously... cunt of a whore!
... and a stinky one at that.

ANYWAY... I've applied for unemployment and I hope it's gone through. It seems like it may have, due to what I see online. Cross your fingers!

What else??

I'm looking for a job and hoping to find SOMETHING. A few leads on jobs.. that's good, but so far it's just been dead leads. Still, I keep looking.

Aside from that... today has been a wonderful day.

So!

Remember how I said that my parents took it well???

Yeah... apparently my mom changed her mind. I got a very long talking to from my mother last week that included such statements as:
"You never should have let us spend the money on your wedding if you were going to leave in a couple of years."
"I feel ashamed that you let Da5id's parents spend that much money in thinking you would stay with him."
"Marriage is something you try hard on. If you get in a fight all the time with him, so what? Your dad and I get in fights all the time and we're still married."

Yeah...

Part of me wishes that I had disappeared, had changed my number and never contacted them again! Ah, if only! I, however, have that catholic guilt/ need to love my family. As far as I can tell, and as my therapist had said, they're not always the best thing for me, whether they're family or not.

SO here I am in Lexington, hoping to god that my mom doesn't stick with her threat of coming here to "talk" to me. Seriously, am I 16 years old and are my parents are planning on coming to take me "home?" My parents say that at times like these I need my family around since they are the ones that understand me. REALLY?! Really?? Is that why they never got it when I was actually trying to communicate when I was a teenager???

*clears throat*

Yeah, 34 years old and my parents are still treating me like a teenager.

Moving on!

Life's a mess, but still good. Well, things with Stephen and me are good. Life's... trying; a mess.

Quick rundown:
- I didn't pass the test to get licensed by the state for insurance which means that I can't work at the insurance company managing accounts.
- I'm TOTALLY broke. Completely used up all my resources, as I was SUPPOSED TO BE working by now. Seriously, I don't know WHY I didn't keep looking for jobs in those 3 weeks that I was studying for the exam. You know... that thing about putting all your eggs in one basket and what not.
- Stephen is having legal issues because of that cunt of an ex-wife (and my ex-friend). A lawyer was needed so now we're BOTH tapped out in trying to pay the retainer. Phun!
- My health insurance is usable here BUT I need to pay up front and then my insurance reimburses me. Do they think that I have the time or money to wait 3-4 weeks for them to reimburse me??? Fuckers.

Ok ok... all negative so here's the positive...

...

Oh!
- meeting new friends (Stephen's friends and old acquaintances, really)
- Lots of Stephen time :D
- Hanging out at the shops. I really like most of the people who work at both shops.
- I now have 2 cats. Well, Stephen's of course, but now that I live there, well I help take care of them and I talk to them.
- I like my room and my desk in my room where I play on this here computer, Eddie.
- Drinks are cheap
- When we go to Mia's (a bar), if Mary Beth (the owner) is there, she likes to feed me vodka as she's a vodka lover and an old friend of Stephen's.
- Stephen. PATEOTS.

That's what I got so far. Life is good but trying. Everyone PLEASE try to send good vibes that I get a job and/ or unemployment through Oregon REALLY soon!!

Stephen and Evie Bean

That butterball of a cat named Iggy. I think he's trying to be a rug or something.

Evie Bean and a PBR.

Drunk, smoking and taking pictures. You know, like every Saturday night.

At our friend Mackenzie's work party.