Reconciling Saints

You're awesome! Try not to forget that... 

I just figured out that my little blog will be 7 years old in July! BOY does time fly when you're having fun... and living... and making a mess, but that's living. *shrugs*

Funny that!

We change every 5-7 years, and this blog is going to be changing right along with me, I guess. Who knew that my blog and I had synced up!? It's not that I have really changed so much as I feel the blog needs to focus on the things that I'm passionate about rather than just having it be my little soapbox/place to update the friends that are not so near anymore.

So this blog is going to be changing just a wee bit here in the coming weeks/months; I'm trying some new things due to ideas and feedback I got at the Books-In-Progress Conference I attended. Please bear with me while I try this new route.

Since her death last Tuesday, May 28th, I've found inspiration in bits I didn't know about Maya Angelou discussed in recent articles. One of the most inspiring for me is the fact that she was a sex worker and had no qualms talking about it (brought to my attention by the lovely Ms. Amanda Palmer's link in facebook to the post on Tits and Sass).

Dr. Angelou herself says she was never ashamed.

"I wrote about my experiences because I thought too many people tell young folks, “I never did anything wrong. Who, Moi? – never I. I have no skeletons in my closet. In fact, I have no closet.” They lie like that and then young people find themselves in situations and they think, “Damn I must be a pretty bad guy. My mom or dad never did anything wrong.” They can’t forgive themselves and go on with their lives. So I wrote the book Gather Together in My Name [about her past as a sex worker]."

I needed this. I needed it because sometimes I do start to think about the things I've done and worry about perception, worry that I might be one of the worst people in the world because of deeds from my past. The truth of the matter is that we all make mistakes, we all have bits in our lives that TV or print would likely gloss over unless it's scandal they're looking for. I am not the first one to make a bad call, nor am I one that will never make a mistake again.

I try to be as honest as I can with everyone because I do believe that people have the power to see past issues, mistakes, and imperfections; I trust that my nearest and dearest will still see just me.* With everyone else, whatever they (whoever they might end up being) decide to think or feel about how I've lived my life is up to them. 

I love that she wrote about her experiences so that people could read it and know that they aren't alone. That's one of the main reasons why I'm writing - I want to be a voice out there for others that says, "It's okay; me too."

*When my lawyer has allowed.

Things I'm currently in love with - OR - Things's that remind me that I love life:

• I recently purchased the vinyl of Bird's My Fear & Me after I heard A War. I'm in love!  If you didn't see my post last weekend on facebook, you can check 'em out here: 

• I've put it out to the 'Verse that I'm a very excellent Gal Friday and Professional Monster. We'll see what the 'Verse has to say, eh?
• I'm writing a book because I feel like it's high time that I added my voice to the conversation about mental health that is going on online... and hopefully elsewhere as well! So I found a mentor, I made some inquiries, and I'm currently listening to my brain. It pours out stuff that I had no idea it was already forming in there. This is very exciting for me!
• I'm attending the Books-in-Progress conference at the Carnegie Center here in Lexington, KY. That's this Friday and Saturday!
• I'm taking the GRE this Sunday. yay? Why??? Because...
• I'm applying to the Masters in Library & Information Science program. The deadline is July 1st. I waited because I had a lot going on with school and work, then I needed to unwind and study between my last final and now since some of the math slips my mind. So here I go!
• I'm headed to CA in August for my 20th (what?!) high school reunion. Oh lord! My friend Keith rallied the small group of us and I decided why not!? It's kinda going hand-in-hand with the book. In case you forgot, it's going to be a YA novel about the year the bipolar kicks in for a girl in high school. 
• A new friend recently pointed me towards Kristin Hersh's Rat Girl. It's her memoir of the year that her band Throwing Muses was signed to 4AD, she was diagnosed as bipolar, and she got pregnant. You can see why he thought to point me to it, yes? It's lovely and it's helping with my book, mainly because Kristin says things that truly hit home, like: 

"That I had a calling, I was on a mission. That music was beautiful math, that it's owning violence. Songs are electricity, my religion." 

And

"So I'm not me anymore; I'm bipolar. No matter how okay I feel right now, I'm not okay and I never will be. Apparently."

 Which is exactly how I felt when I was diagnosed. I finally have a book that speaks to me about it, that's helping me write a book to speak about it. This, I love!