Wednesday, January 26, 2011

At your feet

Sometimes I feel like I'm here... at your feet.

I know I'm stronger and I know I value myself more, but I can't always feel like the great one that I am.

Sometimes all I want to do is see you smile... back track where the conversation veered off and caused a big huff of silence that now sits loudly in the room.

I have issues with this because my fighting me says that this is not the way it should be. I should not have to kowtow to you. The fighter is mostly right... but in everything one needs to learn humility... as well as the possibility that one may be wrong.

Sometimes I feel like I am groveling at your feet and the fighter in me says, "Fuck this! I never need this!" Times like that, I remember that I can survive alone out of stubbornness, and it sorter scares me.

Sometimes I feel like we're both naked children, lying on the floor hoping that one picks the other up. Times like that... I need to remember that that is most likely the truth.

This has been true in many relationships and, it seems, will always be true in all relationships. I just have to remember that the fighter can blow things out of proportion and that, at all times, no one is doing any groveling whatsoever. We're both just trying to be heard... even in the silence.