Reconciling Saints

I'm out of cigarettes and I hate it. It's not that I need them to survive, or even to spend an evening... they would just be nice in my little evening of trying to figure things out.

"Here inside me
Deep and hollow
The sound that no other sound can follow..."

I'm letting go tonight, kids. Why? Because I can. It's rather freeing, really. I can still depend on me to be me. I miss the friends that I had to be able to call on tonight. I tried to talk to Markie (don't tease me!), Leigh, David.... and yes even Heir Clouse.

"I know the pain
Before the wound...."

Today I sat there and realized the bridges that I had burned. Sooooo many. Not on purpose, mind you. Some I just never got to explain. THOSE are especially NOT my fault, and I would very much like to fix them. I just... I just don't know that I can at this point.

In case you haven't guessed, Stephen's not home and I'm just dealing with me on a one-to-one basis. What I've discovered???

A LOT!

It's also pretty much in a "miss my friends" period. It's hard to know where and who your friends are when you're me.

...

Also, one cannot trust music. It alters and differs and means different things to different people.