Reconciling Saints

da5id 'fessed up

well... he did so before I went on the San Francisco debauchery tour '07...
it turns out... he can't sleep when i'm not here

he says he just doesn't know what to do with himself and can't get comfortable in our bed... so he basically just waits to pass out where he sits.... generally that involves alcohol and TV or a lot gaming... or a night out with the guys...and a lot of drinking again...

he says that on my early mornings... he wakes up early as well... almost as soon as i close the door... it's very much like... something is missing and he wakes up...and he does the arm check (you know...sling the arm on the side of the bed you don't sleep on to check if it's empty) and if i'm there...that's generally not a good thing in that it means that i'm late. but that's rare... so generally...he just wakes up and just... starts his day...

poor boyo! to think... i used to have to be at work at 3:30am!
at least 5am is AS bad.

that's....so cute

by the way... i don't know about being at home WITHOUT him... but if i'm away, he's right... i generally don't start missing him 'til i'm on my way home. my theory is that i'm doing too much to miss him... but i've rarely been home without him.... WAIT...wait...yes...yes i was.... new years....2 or 3 years ago... when he was in Prague with London. i couldn't go to sleep without leaving pride and prejudice... yes, the BBC version... playing.

*sigh*
which is WHY we try not to vacation without the other...

cute

Oh My GOD!

Damien has a baby!
...and Ruth too... but it's easier to picture Ruth with the baby than Damien...

So last night I was finishing up on some of the invitations that I needed further info on...
you know... new addresses that I didn't have yet, that kind of thing.

I also got some cards that were just fun stuff...

Well I finished them and put them aside... but a bottle of wine later... I don't know HOW it happened...but i kicked the bottle over... or something. So, now... I have envelopes with wine stains on them.

Only one is a family member that... may or may not wonder what the hell happened to it... the others are friends who...really i think might find it funny.

to send or not to send...THAT is the question....

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it...Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

"Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

Wuthering Heights
Emily Brontë

seriously... I don't know how it's all going so fast... in about a week and a half, Da5id and I will be answering questions in Portland to the people we must answer to. Weird!

We're almost there.

I love Da5id... truly I do.

We've come a long way...
Saturday we had one of our therapy sessions...
still one of the best things I think we've done.
You know what???

We had nothing to say! Vanessa said that that was ok...and that we could continue to go if we wanted to, stop, or play it by ear. Da5id and I decided to play it by ear.

How weird is that?!

I can't believe we've made it this far ... and I can't believe how far we've come... It's amazing...

I'll write more later...when it's not so late and I'm more sober..therefore able to reign in my thoughts...

I just wanted to let you know that... it's close and... we've come a LONG way

ah... the bachelorette weekend...
in san francisco...
that almost didn't happen 'cause i got in a car accident on the way to Dora's to leave for said venture...

SO

last night I got my first RSVP

Liz... you are the big winner of the first to respond for the wedding! I'm not sure what you win yet... but i'll think of something

it was odd to see it there...and to see that someone's coming... I'm guessing that the responses will come in spurts...
the whole wedding thing still doesn't feel like a total reality for me. It's very much a concept...a dream even... but not something that I feel is real. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I never expected to do this. I never saw myself getting married... never dreamed when I was a little girl of getting married. I did dream of finding the one who would complete me... love me... but there was never much involved in the way of marriage...at least.. not in the dreaming of it sense.

so this should be interesting...

now I'm just curious who WILL go...
that's what i want to know...