Reconciling Saints

annnnddddd because you've all been good kids and I've been bad about the posting like I said I would, here's some ear candy. The top 2 songs I played today!

I remembered how to breath the other day.

I was worried about getting a call back for an interview, doubting myself and my abilities. My head was going negative about what I can or cannot do, and then... I didn't care. I stopped worrying and I started breathing. With every breath I put it all out there to the universe, just laid it all out. I will or I won't get a call back, I might get hired full time at the current position or I might not. Breathe in, breathe out.

I stopped caring. Not in a negative. I just... let go... and I felt calmer, I felt ok.

Then you know what happened? I got another call saying that they were going to be scheduling appts. for next week and I should get a call back then.

See? It's ok to let go, it's ok to surrender and just breathe. Life is easy... it's like a heart beat... it's like breathing. The trick, as Ms. Shirley Manson said, is to keep breathing. Just live.

Life is good in the in- betweens of what we worry about and what we want. Sometimes we forget to live it because we're too busy worrying or wanting. This is it folks, so do it. There's no later... just now. *shrugs*

So I leave you with the words of the late great, albeit stupid, Jim Hanson:
"Life's like a movie
Write your own ending
Keep believing
Keep pretending
We did just what we set out to do..."

I hate it.

Do you think that it's possible to live in a place that's mostly cold? Like... REALLY cold???? That's sounding like heaven to me. It's not like that I don't like being warm nor does it mean that I don't a appreciate that crisp day where the sun keeps you nice and warm and the winds tease you in the shadows. No... those days I can stand the heat/ sun.

I digress...

Here's my problem: I don't know how to deal with the sun.

I overheat, feel horrible, cannot do anymore than turn into a little pool of Ceci. I also feel uncomfortable in my clothes and forget wearing anything that's office appropriate! My face just shiny, I sweat easily and my hair does that thing that only curly hair can... and that is be completely unruly. In short, I look and feel terrible! A red face is not pretty, especially when it's all shiny and shit. Sweaty clothes... also not attractive, not to mention that I can get a little stinky. What can I say, it's genetics. *shrugs*

I HATE this! This... and the fact that I burn easily... is why I hate the sun. It does horrible things to me, I never look good and I feel miserable. There!

I sometimes wonder if it's because I'm just not very good at being a girl. I don't know how to get my hair to not do the unruly thing. I had hoped that with it shorter, I would be able to get it under control a little more, but now it just does this Clark Kent thing and I end up looking like a soccer mom who has been running after her kids all day... and more in a "I'm gonna beat the living shit out of you once I catch you" kinda way.

*sigh *

Help! ... or I'm gonna end up living in Iceland for the rest of my life... Which would help my allergies, I'm sure but that's another gripe all together.

*hangs head*
Shoot me now.

Tracy pointed out that, for being so happy with me these days, I don't look so happy in the pic. That had a lot to do with the fact that Itook many with me smiling, but they all came out blurry. As a result. the last one taken had a frustrated-with-taking-pictures-and-tired-of-fake-smiling look. So here's a new one.


ANYWAY!

Here's some stuff that Nikki found when she was "stumbling" along on the internet. I helped! Well, I was stumbling along with her as I sat by.

First there's Irina Werning's page . She does what she's titled "Back to the Future" where she takes old photos from when the person's younger and has them duplicate the pose as they are now. Awesome!

Then there's this jpg we found:
Double awesome.

I was looking in the mirror today and thought... "Wow! I've changed!" Not in a bad way, mind you, just in a "time marches on" sorter sense I guess. So I've decided to do a little "Ceci Throughout the Years" post here and put up some pictures.

Currently, I'm quite happy with the me of now. I like the way I look and feel. In fact, I feel like I'm the very me I've always wanted to be. My hair is short and, in my opinion, looks cute. I've tattoos and piercings I've always wanted to get. I'm in total control of being and looking like the Ceci I've always thought would be a perfect... Ceci!

I'm also in awe of the fact that I feel small. I'm not small, per se... but I'm the smallest I've been since high school and I actually feel small. I even feel small with Stephen, which, can be difficult when he's so thin, and yet I do... I feel small.

Any way... here's Ceci: now and then.





Today


A couple months ago


2009


2008


2007


2007

2004 - 2006... something like that...