Tuesday, March 16, 2010

So I'm not the girliest of girls. Often times, I can be found with many a bruise and skinned knees. Also, some times (most times?) I choose sleep in lieu of appearance. The bruises, skinned knees, and lack of motivation in my appearance can get to me.


I like that I don't care, but on days like today I think, "Gads! I wouldn't fuck me unless I was my last choice!"

I've been sort of broken for about a little more than a week now. In my clumsiness that causes most of the aforementioned bruises, I fell halfway down our stairs. Owe! Thankfully there was nothing major broken, I was just very badly bruised.

I badly need a shag but I feel QUITE unshaggable.

It's been about 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS! That's a bit more than I'd like. The boyo's been busy and I've not really done much in trying to make things any better, so that leaves me feeling... Meh!

I'm hyper-sexual. How much of it needs to be... released, I'm not sure of. Sometimes I wonder if I should reign it in or even try to. Other times I'm of the opinion that I need to get what I need. Generally, it's a means of communication, of love and of trust - no matter who. I like to feel and sometimes that means more than just emotions or hugs.

Maybe it's touch deprivation in that sense - in the sexual sense.

It's possible.

Whatever it is, I feel a need to connect and to feel wanted, loved and close. There are days when I would love to do nothing more than this. Those days I contemplate any person that passes by. However, I learned my lesson a long time ago that that doesn't give me what I want. It looks good on paper, but when executed it's always a mess!

I had dreams about boys last night. Of flirting and getting to know people. Of preening to show just how much better than anyone else there I was, and owning it. It was nothing hot nor steamy; there was no kissing nor sex. There was just that hint of electricity in the air and the longing for the shock, the closeness, the touches.

The feeling never left.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Still traveling

All right so I didn't do nearly as good of a job updating this as I said I would. It's been over a week and I've not posted a thing! You know how it is, you get caught up in real life...

Paris is blur of friends, places and drinks... oh and some wonderful food! I got a lot of time with Maile and Tim (2 of my friends that live in Paris) and I did a little sightseeing. There is a lot to see, but I don't like to be shuttled about like most tourists and I generally find that the people make the experience less than fun. So I went to see only what I really wanted to see and figured I'd save the rest for another trip. Yes, I like to think optimistically that there will be another trip.

All sorts of odd reports from home have me feeling more misplaced than I sometimes do when traveling (you know, when your soul finally catches up to you, thereby ending the jet lag).

It has me wondering where home really is. I know it's where ever the boyo is, but I mean place wise. Portland still doesn't feel like home and that coupled with the out-of-water feeling that can come with traveling has left me sort of "huh".

Maile was telling me that Paris is where she would always feel normal. When she visited or on extended trips there and even now living there, it IS home. I told her that I didn't think I had found that place yet. She's says it's tough, especially since she just has to accept the fact that her core group of friends (us) are just living here, there and everywhere. She said that at times when we visit and she ends up talking the night away or just drinking and being silly, she misses everyone and wishes we could all just move here.

Maybe I could cope with not having anything like my core group of friends if I found that place called home. It is, after all, inevitable that we all go on to make our way to different places.

Here is Maile holding her tree umbrella.

A poster I saw at a bar for a play.

JuggleJane through the weirdo window of the door to the toilet. She's just washing her hands.

Me giggling in the background as London shows Jane some photos he took and she snaps pictures. Oh and yes, that's a General Lee original Mini Cooper.

London looking quite pleased with the photos.

;;