Reconciling Saints

In high school, you wouldn't have caught me listening to a band like Blink 182... or Blink 182, for that matter. Generally, you'd find me listening to whatever obscure thing I could find, Industrial music, Goth music (especially since my cousin had a goth band and I was invited to a couple of shows), and any mainstream thing that I found acceptable. Not to mention what was once correctly labeled as alternative music (it was SO alternative to the mainstream stuff you'd hear). I know I definitely took an interest in anything my older cousins (early 20 somethings) and other adults were listening to.

By college, I was a little less... elitist, shall we say, as I didn't feel as much of a need for trappings that marked me as other (because I was SO not you and I really liked what I was into). I was unique, I was plugged into the lifestream, and music made me live. So that was not quite as necessary in college because you made your friends and the things that worried you in high school, the constant having to be around others and the judgment, was no longer there. So I let myself be.

In fact, I gave Blink 182 some credit; they had some catchy songs with funny videos (which always kind of upped it for me since I like their tongue in cheek bit). Also, there was something that they captured in spirit that was so very high school... you know, the part you didn't want to admit to, the being so earnest and needing everyone to understand all the things!  I was starting to take a step back and kind of remember that from a place removed. Little by little I was still learning.

So it's no surprise that these days I will find myself copping to all sorts of "uncool" things for adults and people with an Industrial/Goth bend.

Which brings me back to Blink 182.

I recently had a friend say she thought it was silly that bands like them were still writing songs about high school shit... or something like that. About crazy girls they fell in love with and juvenile mistakes that were made. These guys are in their... what? late 30s/early 40s? And here they are writing the same old thing.

Well, here I am, far removed from high school and guess what?! I'm writing about high school shit. Partly because I think we need some more honest and real books in the Young Adult genre and partly because I'd like to advocate for mental health via this medium. Lastly, it's because sometimes I still go through these things and it helps.

I feel like you might be lying to yourself if you say that you don't... that you don't sometimes regress to the teen angst and emotion that you had because of something that hurt you or really pissed you off. I'm trying to channel these feelings in writing a book for that age range so there's that, too, and the music really helps.

What's being an adult, anyway? Who doesn't at some point have some sort of emotion that's akin to their teenage self? Maybe being an adult is being able to feel these emotions and know that they're part and parcel to growing up... evolving/ever learning or whatever. Maybe it's all part of being attuned with who you are and the many things that come with it. I don't know.

I just know that sometimes it's not knowing what to feel and if it's ok. I know that we just need to ride the waves of it all, learn what we're feeling and how to handle it... and sometimes not... because that's ok, too.

In closing, hahhahahhaa, I would like to add the argument that I think the bands know who their audience is and how to keep it going. I think they might even use the music as a channel for their own feelings. I mean, I could be ridiculously wrong and everyone might be childish. Still, I'd rather they channel what they know, what they're good at, and what reaches their audience than cross over into adult contemporary. *shudders* I've always wondered when and how that happens... Sting used to be cool, U2 used to be less... mega and more raw. They were a thing when they began... a new thing in the music scene. So what happened? Should they have tried to still channel some of their teenage angst?

Maybe.

I know I'd be able to relate to them more.

Ok, time for my daily World of Warcraft break. heh.

Things I'm currently in love with - OR - Things's that remind me that I love life:

• I recently purchased the vinyl of Bird's My Fear & Me after I heard A War. I'm in love!  If you didn't see my post last weekend on facebook, you can check 'em out here: 

• I've put it out to the 'Verse that I'm a very excellent Gal Friday and Professional Monster. We'll see what the 'Verse has to say, eh?
• I'm writing a book because I feel like it's high time that I added my voice to the conversation about mental health that is going on online... and hopefully elsewhere as well! So I found a mentor, I made some inquiries, and I'm currently listening to my brain. It pours out stuff that I had no idea it was already forming in there. This is very exciting for me!
• I'm attending the Books-in-Progress conference at the Carnegie Center here in Lexington, KY. That's this Friday and Saturday!
• I'm taking the GRE this Sunday. yay? Why??? Because...
• I'm applying to the Masters in Library & Information Science program. The deadline is July 1st. I waited because I had a lot going on with school and work, then I needed to unwind and study between my last final and now since some of the math slips my mind. So here I go!
• I'm headed to CA in August for my 20th (what?!) high school reunion. Oh lord! My friend Keith rallied the small group of us and I decided why not!? It's kinda going hand-in-hand with the book. In case you forgot, it's going to be a YA novel about the year the bipolar kicks in for a girl in high school. 
• A new friend recently pointed me towards Kristin Hersh's Rat Girl. It's her memoir of the year that her band Throwing Muses was signed to 4AD, she was diagnosed as bipolar, and she got pregnant. You can see why he thought to point me to it, yes? It's lovely and it's helping with my book, mainly because Kristin says things that truly hit home, like: 

"That I had a calling, I was on a mission. That music was beautiful math, that it's owning violence. Songs are electricity, my religion." 

And

"So I'm not me anymore; I'm bipolar. No matter how okay I feel right now, I'm not okay and I never will be. Apparently."

 Which is exactly how I felt when I was diagnosed. I finally have a book that speaks to me about it, that's helping me write a book to speak about it. This, I love!

I've been doing a lot of work in therapy on dealing with old things that I just need to let go and the flashbacks that come with them. I find it akin to having to vacuum up the remnants of a mess you've mostly cleaned up... the key word being, "mostly."

Sometimes, though, when I'm doing such work... I can't help but feel like a monster... or a very mean kitty!

All of the things that I've done  
Terrible things...you would never believe  
Things that I've done  
Oh how you'll run  
If you knew a single one  
All of the things that I've done

So MUSE will be playing my little section of the world on April 3rd and I will be attending thanks to Cedric!

Today they released the video for Resistance, which was filmed at their show in Madrid. I hope that's the stage set for the US tour as well! It's one of the reasons I don't mind having seats a tad far from the stage; I can take in the whole thing!

So I present you the new MUSE video. YAY! 

Last night's Bat for Lashes show was incredible. I had SUCH a great time and I couldn't sleep 'til 2am because I was just so charged up. I was going to write some but I called stePHen instead. I love that boyo. We talked and talked and talked. What an awesome night... what a great night to bring me back to me after The Monster that escaped this week.

The world is a safe place again.

... is what I keep saying... have been saying since Hangover Saturday.

Fitting.

I've been catching up on my blogs (the one's I read) and I saw that M posted this amazing video.

I had to share it.

the video for your viewing pleasure.

New Röyksopp out on the 23rd... but you can listen to it by clicking the link under the pic or on their myspace page.

So I don't know if you remember this, but Londonsquared sent me a link to this Kate Micucci song, Dear Deer.

Well after scouring the internets for ALL of Kate's stuff I thought I'd present you with some more. I really like her solo stuff the you can find on her myspace page or on you tube. She's really quite good and she has cute songs that are funny yet poignant. She makes me smile.



Then there's the songs she does with Riki Lindhome, where they go by Garfunkel and Oates. These are quirky and generally just... funny. There are more than a few that I think would be great to play to people to convey the message. :)



For all my friends in LA, I think you should go and check her out every third Monday at the Steve Allen Theater. Unfortunately, the March show is cancelled, but there's always April (Who knows, Chloe, maybe there's one right before your birthday???)! Go on... Play with Micucci.
AND! and... I'd like to add that if you go to her website, you can see the neat drawings that Kate makes (like the one above) and the GREAT sand castles she makes on the beach.

Awesome.

The day I leave for Europe... is the same day that Rasputina will be playing here in Portland.

Woah!

It's Wednesday and there's a shitload going on that's making me say, "woah!"

Notice that it's "woah" and not wow?

I will give you only one story, however, of the "Woah"s.

...

One of the guys I work for plays cello. Just started about a year ago, really. We got into a conversation last week about how I'd always wanted to learn to play and have been seriously considering taking it up. Coincidentally, he has one for sale! How much? $800.

*winces*

I've paid more for a musical instrument, honestly, so it's not like I don't know how much they are nor do I have a problem paying that much. It's just... I'm going to Europe in a month! It may be a bit much to ask for this on top of all that.

I didn't want him to see my balk at the price so I just kept talking to him about it and he offered to bring it in for me to play with it. I said ok.

Today, he brought it in and he played me some stuff he knows. The sound made me melt!
MELT! I could feel it in my bones. Then he told me to try it and sat me down with the thing. He showed me how to hold the bow and told me not to worry about my left hand. I tentatively tried it and he instructed me to let my arm go, to just drop the weight on the bow... and I did. The note reverberated in my chest and down my body. I was in awe.

Melt... does not even begin to describe it...

*weeps*

My favorite radio station in the WHOLE WORLD shut down last week - LA's Indie 103.1. Good 'ole London told me about it as we were both fans. I'm horribly sad and you should be too, even if you never listened to it/ heard of it before!

Why?!

This is why:
- They had a show JUST for local bands (granted there's a lot in LA, but still! They tried to showcase them)
- They had a punk show
- They had a heavy metal show
- They had my FAVORITE show Big Sonic Heaven with Darren Revell (who also spun at the Good Luck Bar on Thursday nights) Mon- Thurs.
- Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols had the noon time show
- Henry Rollins did his gig on Monday nights (pretty neat and eclectic stuff)
AND OH SO MUCH MORE!

They gave voice to the voiceless and kept things new and crisp as well as playing the stuff that you'd never thought you'd here on the radio/ haven't heard in FOREVER.

It is with great sadness that I post this, but with the hope of being able to pass on to all of you a NEW way to listen to a great radio station that is having it's go to do it their way over the internet. Please support them!

The message I am posting here is no longer up but you can see the google cached link here.


"This is an important message for the Indie 103.1 Radio Audience -

Indie 103.1 will cease broadcasting over this frequency effective immediately. Because of changes in the radio industry and the way radio audiences are measured, stations in this market are being forced to play too much Britney, Puffy and alternative music that is neither new nor cutting edge. Due to these challenges, Indie 103.1 was recently faced with only one option — to play the corporate radio game.

We have decided not to play that game any longer. Rather than changing the sound, spirit, and soul of what has made Indie 103.1 great Indie 103.1 will bid farewell to the terrestrial airwaves and take an alternative course.

This could only be done on the Internet, a place where rules do not apply and where new music thrives; be it grunge, punk, or alternative - simply put, only the best music.For those of you with a computer at home or at work, log on to http://www. indie1031. com and listen to the new Indie 103.1 - which is really the old Indie 103.1, not the version of Indie 103.1 we are removing from the broadcast airwaves.

We thank our listeners and advertisers for their support of the greatest radio station ever conceived, and look forward to continuing to deliver the famed Indie 103.1 music and spirit over the Internet to passionate music listeners around the world."

It's a sad day indeed, folks!