Reconciling Saints

... has been broken. I finally posted on OurPDX again. I'm thinking (hoping??) this will mean more posts in general.

:D

I still have issues with what's good and what's not... mostly because I don't believe these are solid black and whites. There are a lot of things I would do that most people wouldn't consider good, but I think as long as I'm being true to myself and take into account what might hurt the ones I love, it's ok. The boyo and I have never been better.

Last night I confessed more of how I work to the boyo. The embarrassing and hard to confess parts. He said he mostly already knew/ guessed at what I was "supposedly confessing," but I was still trying to get him to realize the extent of it. I was trying to convey the fact that I really have no scruples when it comes to certain things that affect myself and my loved ones. I like knowing that we are learning more and more about each other especially as we change. It's an ongoing and constant communication and I think it's awesome.

As the boyo put it, what an odd and wonderful life we live!

For a while there we were debating Cedric and M's invitation to move into their house (they have 2 unused rooms). Mainly it was the debate of to give up our own space or not to. It's not like we hadn't done the living with a few friends in one house thing before, so it wasn't a huge issue. We have discovered, though, that we really do like the dynamics of living with friends. Granted, you have to believe that the way of living of all involved fits well in order to do so, and that is precisely why we thought that.... this....just...might....WORK!

We're very excited to have a house to share again, especially Cedric and M's. I've always felt very at home there and I do like their taste in decor and... well, a lot of things. I think our dynamics are similar and there's a lot of mutual love and respect between the 4 of us. This makes me VERY excited. Well, that and the fact that I think we all have something to bring to the table when it comes to existing... no... being part of each others' lives.

So I'm optimistic about the future, completely comfortable in my own skin and I think I'm back to a very Ceci... Ceci. Heh.

Speaking of comfortable in my own skin, I'm about 10 lbs away from my fighting weight. I'm not one to be obsessed with being thin, however, I gained 20 - 25 pounds when I moved here and I've not been comfortable in that weight. It just didn't feel like me. My clothes are fitting again which means I have more of a wardrobe these days and I can now walk around naked in my apartment and feel like it's all just me; it's comfortable.

I am, however, still scared of the internets. I'm working on it...

*Friday was Da5id's birthday party, but that is another story and shall be told another time.

SO! First of all Saturday was hangover day... like you do. We sat around for the good part of the day watching Battlestar Galactica . Da5id went through his gifts and tried on various things. He loved them all!

So I was sitting on the floor, like I do, when I went to get up to get some water and I tripped over my own feet as I got myself up from a crossed-leg position. I went down hard and landed in a sort of push up pose with my left big toe hitting the floor first, full weight on it. Ow! It started swelling but wasn't bruised and I hoped it was only a contusion but it REALLY hurt to move it or even move my foot a little. I'm still not sure if it's broken as I can currently wiggle it around a little but it hurts to put too much weight on it. Later that night when I got home I took off my shoe and there was indeed a bruise and it was swelling so I iced it and propped it up.

Kat and I went out for dinner at the Rose and Thistle and just sat around and talked until almost 1 am! This happens to us a lot... we just lose track of time. Da5id was off with Dana at the Horsebrass. I find it funny that we both ended up at pubs. Da5id and I decided we need to spend more time individually with friends. It seemed that we were always seeing our friends as a couple and in groups but rarely one on one. I think we all need that time with our friends to stay connected.

... Do you hear that kids! IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FRIENDS NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU THINK YOU ARE! Sheesh. I feel like I try to stay connected with everyone by at least updating my blog, posting pics, etc. yet I have a limited idea as to what's going on out there (save for Liz, London, Chloé via email... and sometimes... sometimes... Leigh). Send me pictures! Keep me posted... I don't even care if it's a newsletter. I was thinking that I don't even know what Ava looks like anymore. Did Dora get the pictures and card I sent her for mother's day? What's Leigh look like now as Liz says she looks amazing?

I'm just sayin'...

Yesterday was SUPER great minus the painful toe. I spent lots of time talking to the boyo about how he's doing, how I'm doing and how we're doing. I think we're in a really good place and I love that we're both doing really well in who we are on our own and together. I'm getting better and better each day (save some internet problems that I still have) and Da5id is working on himself too. I think he realized that he (and we) were slipping into a "settling" spot... and we can't do that. My mom paid us a compliment when they were here last week by saying that she forgets we're married 'cause we act like people who are still dating. I took that to mean that we're still... I dunno... into our own things and not just hanging around??? Does that make sense? I think she meant it as a compliment and that's how I took it anyway.

I really feel like Da5id's my other half and that he just fits so perfectly with me. It's amazing that I would stay with someone for 8 years and still feel like I did when I first fell for the boyo. I feel lucky to have found this person... and I think that he's damn lucky too.

Last night Kat and I went to the Trashcan Sinatras show.

It's been 5 YEARS since they toured and I saw them at the Troubadour. I remember that we had JUST moved to Long Beach and I took Da5id with me. I was SOOOOO excited as they hadn't toured since the early 90s then. The show was good, although a lot more mellow than I wanted ('cause it's all about me... heh!). The neatest thing, though... was that they would take the audio from the soundboard and capture it on the computer then download it onto a thumb drive so that one could buy it at the end of the show. Kat and I were ALL over that! All in all... a good show.

Then... I slept.

Wonderful weekend!

"Over the moon and under the influence..."

Easy Read
Trashcan Sinatras